Carolina and The Fan Non-fiction | H.S

Twenty-Four

"Wait. Five minutes. I need five minutes," I tell Jas.

I make precautionary breathes so that I don't fall into irregular respiration again, something that has happened to me too often lately. My hands quiver with excitement, trying to stay steady so that I can open the message. After one last inhale, I click it.

For a second, I close my eyes like it could undo my choice. Then, slowly, I face the three strings of things he had to say to me.

harrystyles ☑

Today 7:50 PM

Hi Viv, is this you? This is Harry.

For proof: I'm also Prince Eric, not Sebastian, from Barbican.

Anyway, wishing this is you, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I suppose this is among the many messages bombarding your inbox and it's not fair to you to be invaded this way. I really apologize. I hope we get to talk. Sincerely, Harry. x 

"Jas he's apologizing," I shared to her, tilting the screen towards her and giving her the permission to read.

"He just said he had one of the greatest times of his life with you and the last paragraph is what catches your attention?" she jested.

I shrug my shoulders shyly. "That was really kind of him, but uh, I should answer, shouldn't I?" I asked an obvious question; logic taking a serious hit from my haze.

"You opened the message already haven't you, so..." she trailed. "Otherwise, it'd be rude?"

"Right, true, yeah. Okay," I dimly uttered. I stare off into space like a commander who's lost her troops and can't figure out any other strategic defense. Then I build up the courage to launch my last resort which of course is to answer him. "It'll be fine. It's just Harry. I've talked to him before."

Hi, yes, it's me Vivien.
seen

"Shit," I muffled.

"Why? What happened?"

"He's online, he's read my message. I haven't even finished," I said.

"That only means one thing. Pun kind'f intended," she smirked. "He's waiting for you to reply."

I groaned, my knee-bouncing intensifying. "God, I'm so nervous," I said honestly, hoping a verbal admission would actually lessen the physical nervousness. "Okay, focus. Focus."

For proof also: I'm Vivien Leigh in
another life and in namesake.
seen

"He's fast," I breathed, continuing to type.

And it's alright. You don't have to
say sorry. I absolutely
understand that this happens.
seen

"Jas, I feel like I shouldn't've put an emoji. I don't even use emojis. I sound mad here," I prattled, mouth completely overtaken by panic. It's like meeting him all over again. Back then I couldn't talk because I didn't know what to say, now I'm vomiting words that I'm not sure are the right ones to say because, still, I really dont know what to say.

"Relax," Jas comforted. "Look he's typing."

My eyes drop back to my phone. Never have three tiny dots jittered me except for that one chapter from a book I read before with ellipses as cliffhanger. The circles hopped along with my heart while I hold my horses.

Then the dots disappear.

"He's not anymore," I said, lifting my head away from the screen.

"That's 'cause he's replied, Viv," Jas said. "Look at it."