Support Systems(Laurinah)

4

I stood in line my mind lost in thought. I glanced out the window and saw the raven haired girl standing next to her car pumping gas, she looked over and saw me before waving excitedly. I chuckled but waved back. She did a little dance, to which I rolled my eyes playfully and showed the universal sign for crazy, waving my finger in circles next to my head.

I turned away from her and let my smile die on my lips. It was exhausting keeping this up. I had expected myself to be better by now. Why am I not better? I'm doing all the right things, I'm acting like my old self. I'm laughing, I'm making jokes, I'm not acting sad and pathetic anymore. Why does it feel so forced?

Walking out of the gas station my hands filled with bags full of snacks we planned on gorging ourselves on during our movie marathon tonight.

"I'm gonna run to the bathroom real quick." I placed the bags in the back of Lauren's small car, watching as she was hooking up her phone to her car via bluetooth.

" I told you that you shouldn't have had so much lemonade," She laughed out teasing me, " Don't take too long."

I flashed her a smile hoping it didn't look as forced as it felt. Waiting till I was in the security of the dirty bathroom I splashed water on my face, a pressure starting to build in my chest. I felt a sob in my throat and my eyes were suddenly blurry.

Stop it

I groaned splashed more water on my face, hoping the crisp cool water would snap me out of my mental state. He won't leave me alone, he's always there, why won't he leave me alone? I see him every where, it's like there's no escaping him.

You can't be sad anymore, you can't worry her again.

I gripped the sides of the sink and closing my eyes I took deep breaths, my shoulders dropping as my head stopped spinning

Deep breaths Dinah

In

Out

Breathe

 I released a shaky breath looking into my eyes which were red and irritated. I slipped out my glasses and prayed mine were at least more tinted than Lauren's. I couldn't help but chuckle lightly thinking back to the beach.

I knew her feelings for me, we never made it clear, we've never sat down and talked about it. I would have to be blind to not notice her unnecessarily long gazes though, that look of adoration and love that always had me at a loss for words.It didn't make me uncomfortable, it did quite the opposite actually. I tried ignoring the feelings, the way my breath would hitch when she would get close, the way my heart would do flips when I got to see her. I wasn't sure if she knew I felt the same, seeing as we haven't discussed it, but I wasn't exactly subtle about it either. I found it endearing knowing why we haven't talked about it though. She's always putting me before her, making sure I was happy before she was happy.

With the depressive thoughts of my dad pushed back to the back of my mind I walked back towards the car, where the girl who was currently running through my head was sitting in the drivers seat, glasses on with her legs propped up on the dashboard.

"You done looking like a badass?" I laughed as she jumped, holding a hand to her chest.

"Jesus Christ Dinah, why would you scare me like wait, you were crying." She lowered her glasses narrowing her eyes at me.

Shit, knew it

"It's none of your business, Jauregui" I spit out, feeling my defenses coming up.