mentanoia - ben gross

chapter nine;

Chapter nine;

Jane couldn't recall ever seeing such a grin on Ben's face. The boy had all of his fingers dug into the thick dough as he tried divide the ball in half. He kept making remarks about how strange the texture felt in his hands, but seemed to be enjoying every bit of it.

Meanwhile, Jane scattered the few ingredients they could use as toppings on the kitchen counters.

"You don't happen to be allergic for any of these?" She asked, her eyes focused on the movements Ben made with his hands.

He turned to look and shook no quite immediately.

Both didn't feel a gigantic urge to get into a wild or loud conversation, but rather quietly agreed that being in each other's company was lovely enough. Besides, Ben could easily sense that Jane was too tired for a deep conversation.

"Do you always make dinner for you and your family?" He eventually calmly decided to ask when she took half of the dough and started flattening it out. Ben followed her moves like instructions.

Jane nodded lightly, "Before Ian passed, my mom would often have shifts until 8- Or when she had a shift at yours, she'd be home even later." She paused and pressed with all her weight on the dough, "And it's not exactly like I could leave making dinner to Max, you know."

It sounded absurd to Ben, if he were quite honest. The last time he'd actually cooked a decent meal -something other than a quick mac and cheese, must've been over 5 years ago. Hell, Ben couldn't even remember ever going to a supermarket.

"Though, I usually go get the boys when I get straight out of school, so they do help to be fair." She quickly added, before turning quiet again.

Ben pouted unintentionally and felt himself stare at her reflection in the kitchen window. He couldn't even imagine how he'd ever find the time to manage the simple household tasks that Jane was doing on a daily basis. He was busy enough with all his clubs and extra homework.

The front door finally cracked open, and introduced by the sounds of quick foot steps Max and Kevin barged into the kitchen, practically tackling Jane in a hug.

Ben couldn't help but laugh.

Then, Max turned to the much older boy he hadn't expected and his smile expanded even wider. "Ben!" He cheered and innocently threw his arms around Ben's waist.

With hands covered in flower, Ben carefully hugged Max back.

"Mam, Ben's here!" Max then screamed into the hallway. His eyes fell on the pizza dough and widened immediately. Max ran to a corner of the kitchen to grab a tiny stepladder. He put himself in-between his sister and Ben and observed the dough. "Janeee, can I do one." He pleaded longingly.

Kevin then tugged onto Ben and Jane's shirts. "Me too, me too."

Rolling her eyes with a laugh, for Ben to see, Jane nodded. "How about you and Ben pair up to try and make a prettier pizza than me and Kevin." She said, then paused, "If you and Ben are brave enough to take on that challenge, at least."

Ben smiled excitedly, maybe even more excited than the children themselves. Quickly helping Jane move every ingredient and all the dough to the kitchen table, they all sat down and started trying to make the most beautiful pizza.

~

They were discussing their days and it was clear that, even though utterly exhausted, Jane put all the energy she had left into making an active conversation with her brothers and mother.

"Have you thought about the extracurricular activities you can sign up for, Max?" She asked at one point. No one had noticed she'd only eaten two slices.

He nodded, but seemed hesitant. "If it's okay with you and mam, I'd want to do the fall play."

In a bit of a burst of excitement, Jane clapped in her hands. Bumping up and down on her chair, she couldn't be happier that her brother had finally pushed through to try the thing he'd been talking about all year. She'd tried gently pushing him to take a shot at it, but so far he'd been too scared.

Then, before Patty had the ability to respond, Jane gave her mother a comforting look, as if to say It's going to be okay, we'll manage. Ben noticed but didn't say anything.

"And then if I am good enough to make it into the play Ben can come watch too, right?" He asked with the smallest frown, to which Ben couldn't possibly say no.

Tilting his head lightly, Ben smirked. "I think I'm already your biggest fan." He admitted, making Max smile even more.

~

"Thank you for dinner- Again." He smiled, standing on her doorstep. The sun had already vanished beneath the horizon, leaving Ben to walk for a full hour through countless of empty and dark streets. "I really appreciate it."

Jane stood in front of him, grinning widely at him. She loved seeing him become a different person when he was around her family, compared to when she saw him sitting in front of class.

"It's nice having you around," she admitted so openly, "You are very welcome to pop by if you ever happen to pass by, alright?" She watched him nod with a blush on his cheeks.

Ben stepped back, his shoulders were starting to rotate but just then Jane's hands reached out for his arms and soon enough she had her body pushed against his. Her arms around his necks as she allowed his mind to drown in the warm embrace. He hugged back after a few seconds- He should've expected the hug by now.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked when they simultaneously ended the hug.

She grinned and shook her face, "It's weekend, Ben."

Shaking his face to himself, he chuckled. "Yeah- Yeah I knew that. I'll see you Monday. At school."

And Jane nodded. "Enjoy your weekend, Ben."

~

Unlike the day before, Ben appreciated the quite and long walk home. Now that he was sober enough to look up at the stars without tripping over, there was a peaceful silence in his mind. His heart was filled with happiness and satisfaction and mentally, he kept replaying the evening over and over again.

He also kept thinking about the hug he had gotten- How mindlessly Jane had pulled him into her arms, after telling him how she enjoyed his company. It must've been the biggest compliment Ben had ever gotten- Maybe one of the only ones he'd even gotten even.

The dark streets of Van Nuys slowly changed into the much brighter streets of Sherman Oaks, and Ben watched the stars above him faint away as more and more lanterns amongst the road were lit. But though after half an hour of walking in the dark, everything around him was starting to become lighter and more colorful, the joyful feelings inside of Ben started to faint with the stars.

He'd never looked at his neighborhood and found it so dull and boring. The massive houses were beautiful and strong, but held only boring white walls that kept the silence inside separated from the silence on the streets. He didn't like it.

And eventually, as his skin still itched -longing for a warm skin against his, Ben started feeling as empty as he had felt yesterday. He walked over his porch, feeling even hesitant to go inside his own house, knowing that the silence would feel like torture after having experienced such a loud and cozy dinner.

Pulling out his phone to turn of the alarm, he saw he had a couple missed messages from his mother. Entering his house, he let himself fall on one of the couches as he opened the new texts.

They didn't say much- Not anything Ben didn't see coming at least. It was his mother, telling him that she'd be gone for an extra week. Something with that she wasn't done working yet, which usually meant she felt like taking another trip to another luxurious island to get another spa treatment.

Ben had won the bet he had made with himself, that this was bound to happen.

And what did he win? Just another birthday without either of his parents. 

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