mentanoia - ben gross

chapter fifteen;

Chapter fifteen;

After officially wrapping up the interview, Ben had tried to come up with a subtle way of asking her to stay for dinner, but before he had found the right words she had asked him about Shira. About if he'd gotten his wallet back. Ben had shrugged his shoulders and didn't quite know what to say. He had wiggled his feet against the carpet on the floor as he pushed his back deeper into the couch.

He still felt betrayed, yes, but it was a little more complicated than that. Upon hearing Jane state that she had given Shira the wallet, Ben hadn't considered for even a millisecond that Shira wouldn't do that. Disbelief had not once crossed his mind or heart. It was almost as if he had expected it to happen, as if he knew Shira would be like that.

Jane pushed her chin against the pillow and waited for a response.

She waited and continued waiting for the following hour. Clearly Ben was thinking about it, so she made sure not to rush him.

To Ben, what Shira had done was perfectly in line with what she had always done. It were the things Ben had always allowed to happen. Getting her the most expensive gifts, even when there was nothing to celebrate, or taking her and her friends to a Michelin restaurant. He always mindlessly gave her what she wanted, not once expecting anything back.

After the hour of silence, he started fiddling with his hands. A thought had suddenly popped into his mind that frightened him from head to toe. Ben started shaking. His eyes started trembling and his breaths quickly became sharper. With wide open eyes he tried to focus on the black screen of the television in front of them.

Jane noticed instantly. She hadn't taken her eyes off of Ben for the past hour, scared that doing so would leave him to feel like he was alone.

"Hey, hey, hey." She sat up straight and moved to sit closer next to him. Instinctively grabbing his shaking hands and folding them over one another, she hushed him until he looked at her. "You need to talk to me." She told him.

He shook his face left and right, already embarrassed about what he felt inside. Fighting his shaking body, he pressed his quivering lips into a straight line. "I'm fine, it's fine. It's whatever." A rough chuckle left his lips.

Jane slowly let go of his hands, but didn't avert her gaze once. "You can talk to me, Ben." Her voice was now much calmer, more gentle.

Ben gave her a forced smile, "I know." He chirped. By now his eyes had become moist, but by excessively blinking he tried to play it off cool. Pushing himself up to his feet, he shrugged it away. "It's no big deal. I'll just-" He couldn't get the words over his lips.

Patiently, Jane waited in silence.

He looked over his shoulder into her eyes, but turned away instantly after. "I'll just have to brea-" He whispered, his fist rolled up in a tight fist, making the veins in his arm more than visible. Taking a deep breath, he nodded to himself. "I'll just have to talk to her about it. No big deal."

Jane frowned, "You haven't talked to her yet?" She watched Ben's entire body calm down. His body was no longer shaking and his eyes had stopped quivering too. He'd even stopped fumbling with his hands, as if nothing had ever happened.

And like so, Ben nodded. "We'll talk it out, it was probably just a mistake, you know."

Now with wrinkles all over her forehead, Jane tilted her face.

Ben looked at her, offering her a convincing smile that she quickly declined. "I'll just talk to her and you'll see it was a mistake. Maybe when she forgot the wallet-"

Her patience, after over an hour of trying to give Ben enough space to think, had run out. Jane pushed herself up to her feet and started stretching her legs. She wanted to tell Ben how naive he was being, how he shouldn't take this lightly, but she couldn't. She'd seen his eyes shift through all sorts of emotions and had found a grip of what he was thinking.