Stay With Me

Twenty

I haven't left my bed for 3 days straight. Vader just come and go, eating whenever she likes, and then comes back to join me. I have ignored phone calls and text messages from anyone, I heard people knocking on my door but I pretend that I don't hear anything. I am so tired, crying myself to sleep, crawling to get water, and just stare into nothingness, keeping my head empty. Everything in this room reminds me of Garrett, even Vader reminds me of Garrett, but I can't block her in my mind, she's mine and she keeps me company.

On the 3rd night I decided to take a bath, Vader following me into the bathroom, I allowed her. These days I have not cared about anything anymore. I cared about someone once and it failed.
Her eyes was on the door as she lay beside the bathtub, as if guarding me from any harm. I wouldn't know what I'll do without her. That night I have decided to eat as well, microwaved some frozen food, and managed to sit on the couch as I let myself stare into the tv.

Today felt a different kind of pain, the longing and disbelief was washed away and was replace by anger. I am just so angry now, angry, tired and heartbroken, just like the girl from that movie who became a martyr for love. That girl from the movie who you swear you won't be. And of course someone knocked. On the 1st and 2nd day of my whole....mourning process someone always knock in these time of the night.

Vader's ears perked up as I decided to open the door, leaving it open not looking at my visitor as I sit on the couch again and pretend nothing happened. My eyes are so small from crying as I try to focus on the tv. I don't care if this visitor turned out to be a mass murderer, for all I know he/she'll end my suffering.

"Nike, are you okay?" I heard Lacy's voice near me I almost jumped. I snorted and looked at her like she killed a puppy.

"Do I look like I'm okay Lace?" I asked her, my tone a bit harsh, I think I saw her cringe.

"Jared's been very worried, I've been worried, everyone's been worried..." She said, voice as soft as a velvet. I wanted to hug her and let go of everything I want to say, every question I want to be answered but I don't want to look weak, like how I feel now...

"You look pale too, you're not forgetting to drink your medicine right?" She asked, I rolled my eyes, I skipped 3 days, it doesn't really make a difference. I didn't talk, I stayed quiet cause I might not have the guts to shut my mouth when I started talking again.

"Jared's been really angry too, him, John, Pat, Kennedy and Matt, they're really-"

"Well I'm angry too Lacy. My boyfriend- Garrett just cheated on me with a fucking band slut." I interrupted her, tears started to blur my vision as Vader jumped next to me to put her nose on my lap. I petted her as I fought the tears from falling. Lacy didn't say anything else, I felt her arms around me, his figure shaking, as if crying. My chest was filled with so much feelings, touché. The tears that I've been fighting slip away, as I hugged back and cry, the hardest I did those three days. It is true that when someone hugs you, you'll feel the pain more and just want to let it out. It's been like forever when we pulled out from our hug and we wiped our tears.

"You still look pretty even when you cry" she said, giggling while wiping her tears.

"I don't even look good enough for Garrett, I mean come on Lace, let's not kid ourselves" I said, choking as I tried to chuckle.

"You're not ugly Nike." She said firmly, his voice stern and full of concern.

"Of course, just not good enough" I muttered as I shift my position. I saw Lacy fished her phone and I just stare at her.

"Can you just fucking punch Garrett for me? Yeah? Thank you." I heard her say, I watch her with narrow eyes.

"She's with me, and apparently she thinks she's ugly, not good enough and...she's broken Jar..." She said, talking about me like I'm not around. I just look at Lacy as she hands me her phone.