Stay With Me

Twenty two

I promised to call Jared last week but I didn't, it's kind of a hanging promise. Dave and other doctors has been in and out quite a lot and I can feel that it's not good. Last week's been very confusing, his voice made everything sink, my heart, my soul, everything. I wipe the tears that I was not aware that's visible when I heard the door open. Garrett loved me, but why the heck did he do what he did, I know people make mistakes, but I didn't know learning from a mistake can be this painful. The doctor was looking at me with a confuse look.

"Is this a bad time?" He asked, I chuckled and shook my head, motioning for him to come in and do whatever he needs to do, and he did. Again, he checked my father, took a little blood and whatnot.

"Dave, it's been more than a month..." I told him the obvious, the doctor gave me a grieving look, that I mirrored.

"I've been doing everything I could Nike, he's been sleeping for a long time and the surgery can't be delayed any longer, his heart activity is doing very badly" he said, bad things are happening to me, I didn't do anything bad. Why is this happening to me.

"Thank you for being honest Dave..." I said, giving up. My body slumping itself on a chair, so my dad is really dying. Well that's charming, really. I feel A+

"I actually recommend mercy killing...it'll make everything faster..."He said walking towards me. Money is running and he's suffering I know but I can't just kill my father. That's like pure evil, that's worst than just watching him die.

"No, I will let things happen naturally, come on Dave, be positive for one second, I need it." I said resting my forehead on hands. I am such a fucked up.

"As much as I want to Nike, I just can't give you false hope. I know you've been through a lot-"

"You betcha doctor." I interrupted him. His blue eyes piercing my soul, just like Garrett. Great, how wonderful come on lord are you kidding me?

"I don't want to see a beautiful lady crying, weeping, I want you to be ready when that time happened. Okay?" He said tapping my shoulders, I stared at my father. It'll be weird and painful when he die. Then, I can prove that my luck is fewer than homer simpson's hair.

"There's no hope then?" I murmured, munching on my nails.

"There is, but the chances are slim"

"A slim hope. What does it drink? Diet coke?" I joked, trying to make a haiku. Dave chuckled and tapped my shoulder again as if asking me to look at him.

"Yes, something like that... I'll go for a while okay? Go say good bye" he said departing the room. My eyes fixed at the bed, the man laying on it. My eyes watery as I imagine him dead. This is too much to handle, to straight forward.

"I can't believe that this doctor is asking me to say good bye." I said, as I held my father's hand. "I mean, this won't be the last time a doctor 'did their best' when it comes to our family, we got some bad luck." I added, fighting back my tears as if I'm strong enough.

"Forgive me dad, I'm sorry if I've been such a bad daughter. I'm sorry for everything. I fucked up, I shouldn't have left you, I should have come back when you asked me to...I'm so sorry" I said, resting my head on his hand.

"I know you can hear me and I won't give up on you easily...so please don't give up on yourself so soon." My dad used to be the strongest, and to be honest, I need someone right now.

"But if you really need to go, don't forget to say good bye okay daddy? Because.....I just...you're my daddy and it'll be unfair if you just go without saying goodbye, that you loved me and you missed me" my tears blocked my sight and I rested my head on my father's hand letting my emotions flow through my body and my eyes close.