compromise | jean kirstein x reader

[6/6]

You fretfully looked around for Jean, shoving each and every cadet that stood in your way. He had to be alive, he had no other option. A rush of relief flooded your body when you spotted Jean in the distance, amongst your friends from the one-hundred fourth trainee class.

He spotted you and shone a smile, finally relaxing after seeing you. You broke into a sprint and ran towards him. Hewelcomed you with open arms. You jumped onto Jean and wrapped your legs and arms around him. He held you equally as tight, glad that you were well. You took his face into your hands and kissed him multiple times on his lips, then another multiple times scattered across his face.

"Holy shit, I'm so glad you're here." You muttered.

"I love you so much." Jean sighed, putting you back down.

"Your mom evacuated safely? How's your home?" You asked Jean sympathetically.

"They're both fine. Thank god." He replied, exhaling.

Trost was attacked by the titan's, and now you were simply rendezvousing with the rest of the cadet corps, awaiting further instruction. Trost was also Jean's hometown, totally parallel to yours. Thankfully, the hole that was breached was plugged by a boulder.

Shortly after, you set off to search for survivors and bodies. You walked around with Jean. He had his arm wrapped around you, trying to comfort you, since you were still shaking from the experience.

You walked down a wide street with Jean, trying not to look around. You weren't in the mood to look at any rotting dead bodies, nor did you want to see the shattered windows and destroyed homes. The town reeked of blood; the fumes, the stains all over the floor and buildings. Never once had you considered that joining the army would bring you face-to-face with death. Obviously, you had thought about it, but didn't think you would actually be put in this sort of situation. It was unsettling.

"I see a body." Jean told you.

You covered your eyes with your hand as you got closer.

"I can't look." You whimpered, shaking helplessly.

Jean stopped as he approached the body, and you continued to refrain from looking.

"Do you recognize it?" You asked, eager to move away.

Jean didn't answer, and you began to hear his breathing get heavier.

"Jean?" You whispered. "Can we walk away?"

Still not hearing an answer from Jean, you separated your index and middle finger, peering through your hand to see who it was. You instantly regretted your decision, and quickly covered your eyes again. You felt your heart get heavy.

"Holy fuck." You shakily gasped, not being able to get the image of the body out of your head.

As a result of the thought not leaving your mind, you built up your courage and decided to lower your hand from your face. You mourned the death of your dearest friend with Jean.

A nurse approached the both of you with a clip-board.

"Recognize him?" She asked, ready to take down a name.

"Yes." Jean grumbled. "His name is Marco Bott."

The nurse wrote his name down on her list of casualties and walked away, continuing a search of her own.

"Why... Marco? Why Marco? Why not me? Why him?" You rambled, beginning to hyperventilate.

Your breaths got heavier and your hands began shaking worse than before. Jean silently took you into his arms, and you buried your face in his chest.

"Don't say stuff like that. At least we both survived." Jean tried calming your down, slowly walking away from Marco's massacred body. "Marco's in a better place now."

"I can't imagine what he went through." You whispered.

Later that night, the bodies of soldiers were burned, piled on top of one another. Both you and Jean stared at the luminescent flames with zero-expression. Only one person was on your mind; Marco.

"I'm can't join the Military Police anymore." Jean blurted.

You shot your gaze at Jean, shocked at the words that came out of his mouth. "What?"

"I'd be selfish to." He said. "I'm joining the damned Survey Corps. I need to avenge Marco."

"But you hate the Survey Corps!" You exclaimed.

"I don't have another choice."

"Sure you do! You could always choose the Garrison... or come to the interior with me." You rambled frantically.

"I've made up my mind. My decision is final." Jean said sternly. "But you have to go to the interior. I need you to."

"Nonsense! If you're out risking your life... then fuck it, I am too. I'm joining coming with you." You stated.

"No, I don't want you to have any part of it. And what about your mother?"

"She'd understand..." You sighed, unsure.

"Enough bullshit, [Y/N]. You couldn't even look at a dead body today. You wouldn't survive a day in the Survey Corps." Jean tried shutting you up.

"I'll learn. I'll get used to it." You tried persuading your boyfriend.

Jean rolled his eyes and grabbed your shoulders. He shot his eyes at you, giving you a sincere stare.

"I need you to join the Military Police. It'll give me peace of mind knowing you're okay, and your mother will get her proper treatment." Jean told you. "It's what you've worked hard for. You don't even want to be a soldier, [Y/N]. Plus, I think being in love has made you soft."

"Tch." You scoffed at Jean's remark, even though you knew that he was right.

"You're not mentally fit for the Scouts. Just settle in the interior, okay?"

You processed your conversation with Jean and realized he was right. But truthfully, you just didn't want to be away from him.

"I'll be waiting for you. I need you alive, understand? I need you." You muttered, taking his face into your hands.

"Don't worry about me. Just live the rest of your life. I'll try writing you as much as I can." Jean said.

You nodded and gave Jean a long, loving kiss, before being interrupted by Keith Shadis' roaring voice.

"If any of you are still interested in the Survey Corps, stay right where you are. The rest of you will choose your regiment tomorrow!" He instructed.

Trainees began running away from the scene as fast as they could.

Meanwhile, you embraced you last few moments with Jean, before parting away from him. At this rate, you were unsure whether you'd ever see him again. All those countless fights, the many times you'd given him black eyes, his shallow personality, and you still managed to love an asshole like Jean. You never figured you would end up like this.

"I love you." You told him under your breath, letting a tear roll down your cheek.

"I love you too. Now go, you have things to attend to." Jean told you, wiping the tear from your face.