To Alex: A Year After You Are Gone, A Hole Still Remains

Alone

You didn't have to go through this alone you know. You didn't have to slam the doors shut. You didn't have to pretend that everything was okay.

Now that I think about it, I should have been paying closer attention to what you weren't saying. Of how alone you truly felt.

Everyone feels alone in high school, but no one knew you felt that alone. We could've helped if only we knew your feelings.

Your innermost feelings were of how alone you felt in the world. Adopted and raised in a family where none of your family members looked like you. We all feel alone and scared and helpless.

We all feel like we have no one to turn to in times of need. That no one truly understands. I know how you felt. I know what it's like to grow up in a family where no one looks like you.

Of feeling so alone you don't know who to trust or what to do. You want to turn away from the world. Push it away so you can deal with this on your own.

The thing is you can't. This feeling is too strong, too overpowering to face it alone. Nothing this big can be dealt with alone.

Alone is the feeling of hopelessness.

Alone is the feeling of scary things.

Alone is the feeling of losing someone you care about so deeply it mortally wounds your heart.

Alone is the feeling that you can do anything as long as you keep it all inside.

Alone is the feeling that no one cares enough about you.

Alone is the feeling that your world is getting smaller and smaller with each passing day.

Alone is the feeling of melancholy.

Alone is being scared to trust.

Aloe is being scared to venture out into the great unknown.

That is not what should happen. No one should feel alone and scared of the world. No one should have to go through what you went through. Alone.