Band Member Oneshots

One for the Books

How Jack's part in the #MonstersRemix Tik Tok was actually filmed.

Above GIF as visual. Credit to owner.

You should have known that agreeing to participate in the #MonstersRemix Tik Tok was a bad idea.

For one, it meant that you'd somewhat finally succumbed to the grasp of the controversial social media app, after years of dodging any mention of it. Apparently, even the strongest willed like yourself were not immune to its questionable play backs challenges, dances and humor. Hard to accept such devastation when you were still optimistic about the revival of vine (RIP). And no matter what the Internet preached, it wasn't true, Tik Tok was not the second coming of it.

Second, it involved some rather uncomfortable online shopping. True, your boyfriend was indeed very capable of finding the signature Borat green mankini thong and brown afro by himself. However, he insisted on you doing it, for, according to him, your sensibleness would make you find the most appropriate costume. After all, this was destined for the entire Internet population, including kids.

Pushing aside the notion that the Kazakh journalist was the least appropriate character for the app, and instead just wanting to make his childlike self buzz with excitement, you went along with it, first opening up Amazon and typing "Borat costume" into the search bar.

You'd think that being such a huge forefront in the e-commerce business, Amazon would have put into place some privacy settings as to maintain their credibility, but, alas, the saying was true, you could find pretty much anything on there.

Mankini thongs of all colors; greens, reds, black, oranges, prints; leopard being popular, of different thicknesses, bodysuits, slings and even underwear molded as an elephant, the trunk obviously meant to go there.

It wasn't enough that you had to be subjected to the varied products, but, on top on that, while researching for the right costume for your boyfriend, you got exposed to ratings and photos, elements you'd rather have been ignorant to.

In the first were included details as to how the thong was used as a gag between friends, or to spice up things in the bedroom, was great for women and at worst, to scare off people at public beaches. As for the latter, let's just say you'd have been better off not seeing those masculine body parts.

It made you wonder, all these comments and eligibility for Amazon Prime, did this mean that, in addition to your boyfriend and his bandmates, other people considered this to be normal behavior? Better yet, were you the weird and boring one for not seeing the hilarity or point in it?

And the wig? Well, compared to your previous research, the selection was fairly tame, probably because it wasn't advertised as being part of a "Borat" costume. If Jack was to get upset at this, that was his problem; you had had enough.

And, third, one major reason why you'd been opposed to the video in the first place was because it'd require Jack to trim his beard into a mustache, a porn one at that. You'd gotten both used to seeing it on him, enjoying how it made him look older and feeling it on your skin, how he'd enjoy tickling you with it. But now, all you could see was two caterpillars mating, and frankly, that was not a look that suited him. Did it anybody?

Despite the awkwardness, anger and hopelessness, it was all worth it though.

Because seeing Jack parade around the house with a permanent wedgie, embarrassed smile, afro atop his blonde locks and a Ron Jeremy mustache above his lip was the best apology you could have asked for.

But it was the first take that had you in stitches. While he had done everything as discussed, including making a thumbs up while saying "My wife" in a Borat accent and shameless smile, he had also stepped from behind the shower curtain a bit too much to the left, the minimal support in the crotch area leaving nothing to the imagination.

And, in the process, becoming a moment that was surely not one for the Internet, but definitely for the books.