Playing Rough

Chapter XVI

Chapter XVI ─ Condemnation

[ M I C H A E L   G R I F F I N ]

I made out with my childhood best friend. I made out with Bryan Clay in his kitchen under the influence of alcohol. I made out with Bryan Clay with my girlfriend a street over at some sleazy high school party.

Nope. No matter how you put it, it sounded horrible and I felt horrible for doing it. Anyone could've predicted this reaction from me by now, I do something bad, I go into self-pity mode and I shut off for a few days. That was the classic Michael Griffin cycle of recuperation nowadays and I was at the self-condemnation part.

I sat in my bed, with a royally painful headache and stared at my dresser, trying to figure out what my next move would be.

Maybe I'm just a bad person, maybe I'm not as good as I believe I am. I pondered. And perhaps I was right, I kept swearing on the fact that I was a good guy, that I always tried to do the right thing and that I wasn't reckless, but instead, I kept doing the exact opposite. I went against the things I believed in and I couldn't feel worse about it.

I knew that someone would inevitably get hurt by my actions, I didn't expect it to be everyone involved. I wondered what Bryan thought of me after the kiss, god, it was such a good kiss, I could still taste him on my lips. But that bitter aftertaste reminded me how big of a mistake it truly was. I sighed, thinking of my girlfriend.

Poor Ash, she was always supportive of whatever I did, she was always honest with me and she was the one who picked up the broken pieces of me after I lost my best friend. And how did I repay her? I cheated on her, with the person who I mourned for.

I was a filthy cheater, I deserved neither Ash nor Bryan and it was evident after last night. How would I look in the mirror knowing that I wasn't as trustworthy as I always thought I was.

I had to tell her, and I had to do it quickly. I also had to fix everything somehow, if only flex tape could seal all my problems away.

God, what the fuck was I thinking last night? Oh, right, I wasn't thinking. 'That was your goodnight kiss, sleep well'? I facepalmed for being such a god damn idiot. By the time the kiss had been over, I knew it had been a royal mistake on my part. But I also couldn't find the courage to say it, when Bryan stared at me with those mesmerizing eyes of his. I couldn't find the courage to say that it was a mistake, because I knew he'd end up thinking that he was the problem in this situation. So instead, I blurted some stupid, cheesy line and dipped as fast as I could, so I could pass out in my bed and wake up miserable.

Fuck, fuck, what am I going to do? I groaned and ran a hand through my messy hair. It was getting a little longer than it usually was, but this wasn't the right time to dream about an appointment with the hairdresser.