Do you know how hard it is......to be nobody's first?
Do you know how hard it is to love yourself when the only thing the world tells you is to be the opposite of yourself?
Do you know how hard it is to not be able to form a proper sentence and not be able to understand why it's happening?
Do you know how hard it is to love people and feel unloved?
Do you know how hard it is to smile?
Do you know how hard it is to try and make people laugh when all you want to do is cry?
Do you know how hard it is to feel this emotional pain every day and not try to shut down your emotions for good?
Do you know how hard it is to fight with your loved ones?
Do you know how hard it is to see them cry?
Do you know how hard it is to be misunderstood on a daily basis?
Do you know how hard it is to pretend you don't care, to say it doesn't bother you?
I know...........but do you?
I can't describe my pain, I'm sorry for yelling and fighting and getting mad. I don't know why either.
I JUST WANT IT TO STOP!!!!!
If all I do is hurt you, then why do I speak. But if I stop I get hurt. Then what do I do?
Do I talk and hurt others or do I keep quiet and hurt myself.
Either way my pain is endless......
Why do I care?......
Why do I have to care?......
Can't I just not care?.....
Growing up I would always do a prayer for everyone on the earth to feel loved.
At 20 I still pray for it.
As a child I wanted others to know the love I felt.
Now I just want them to feel the love I can't.
Do you know how hard it is, to act everyday and never show your true self?............
Not to strangers....
Not to friends.......
Not to loved ones.....
Not to family.......
Not to anyone.
Feeling scared, that you will never find anyone to share yourself with because your too naive for the world.
Ridicule....
Judgment...
Hate...
How would they see me?
Would they shoot me down?
Would they lift me up?
Would they care at all?
How long would they allow me to be myself?
I love everyone so much, why is it so hard to tell them?
To show them!!!!!
I like to imagine my love flowing like a river. I have much to give and I give it freely.
But do I receive?
I find it hard to believe I can receive love.
I don't know why I love everyone, but it hurts to be unloved.
I feel numb.
Will I ever feel again?
Whats the point of losing myself....alone.......gone.....nothing
Can't talk.....
Can't think....
Can't breath....
Gasping....
Breath.
Just breath. I tell myself.
It will be okay...
All pain fades...
Just breath...
Its okay...
Breath...
Just breath...
No one listens...
No one cares.....
Alone......
Emotionless.......
Help?
With what.....
It's just depression.
It's just loneliness.
It's just feelings.
Its just self hate.
Help?
Help with what?
Who will help?
Who do I ask?
Who would help with nothing?
YOU ARE READING
Dark Thoughts
RandomWhere do our minds go when we are at our worst point? I have decided to post my inner most thoughts on here as a way to be heard. I don't want recognition or validation, just an outlet. I guess I hope to let other people know I am here and I feel it...
