Dark Thoughts

Sleep

I am beginning to think the price of being awake isn't worth it. When I go to sleep the nightmares stop and I am at peace. When I wake up the nightmares begin again. Is there anyway I can just stay asleep? Do I have to wake up? I wonder how many pills I would have to take so that I would never wake up. Sleeping pills. The one true relief I have in this world. When I am sad and depressed my body yearns for sleep and everything feels so much better as I drift away. If I were to take six pills I wonder if I will ever wake up? What is the point of living in a world where it hurts to wake up? I keep on living, day in and day out but the time never seems to stop moving. Every day feels the same. Another glance into the void as it stares back at me. Is there a place where my life would have meaning? Is being here worth the pain I feel. I have been so immersed in pain and depression that I have begun to go numb to it. I have reached the point where I don't care weather I feel or not. I don't want to speak, I don't want to hear, I don't want to think. I just want to rest. Why can't I rest? WHY CAN'T I REST!!!!! If I do decide to die they would stop me so I will never tell them. They would only pawn me off to someone else to deal with. I am not a broken toy that needs to be fixed. I am a human being. Love. Kindness. Well wishing. All of it is useless without respect. Why don't others respect me? I have tried my best to protect myself but my family is the one thing that hurts me. How can I stop them without shutting them out? This is all for now. Good night.