isolation (pillar men x reader)

all of this turbulence wasn't forecasted

esidisi dies off screen i hope y'all don't mind :( but he's hard for me to write for and i can't deal with struggling

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The mood at the dinner table was heavy and somber, and you felt tempted to just get up and leave. You were already gloomy enough these days, you didn't need Kars and Wamuu to be all melancholy on top of that. Two days had passed but Esidisi hadn't yet returned from wherever he was, and you didn't have to be a genius to put two and two together. You felt a little satisfied and hopeful, assuming that this meant Caesar and Joseph might actually have a shot at saving you. If they could take down one of the near-gods there who's to say they couldn't take down the others? But any spark of hope you could derive from that conclusion was smothered by Kars and Wamuu's downcast gazes. 

You somehow found yourself perched on Wamuu's thigh, legs slung across his lap.  He supported you with one arm and you had leaned your head against his chest, listening to the steady beating of his heart. His free hand ran the length of your body in a comforting motion. He and Kars were discussing something, but you couldn't be bothered to listen to them. You were busy taking in Wamuu's warmth. It felt nice to feel human warmth- though he wasn't technically human. When isolated, social creatures will forge bonds with whatever other creatures are available to them, whether those bonds are healthy or not. Despite how guilty you felt for seeking comfort from your captors, it was your nature wasn't it? 

"I like when you're calm like this," Wamuu muttered into your hair. "It's better than when you glare at Kars and I every waking moment." 

You sighed heavily, unwilling to engage with him. You had never felt more torn in your life, you longed to touch him again, to take him to bed again, but every time you thought of that you remembered Caesar and your thoughts felt like betrayal. 

Kars cleared his throat, "We'll trade her for the stone, then."

Your heart skipped a beat. You vaguely knew the whole deal with this "Red Stone of Aja" business, though you had never bothered to listen carefully. You wish you had. But a trade? As much as you were opposed to being traded like goods, maybe that would mean an end to this madness. Maybe then you could go home. Maybe then you'd stop feeling so conflicted. 

"We've circled back to the original plan, then?" Wamuu said, breaking you out of your thoughts before plunging you back into them.

Original plan was a suspicious phrase. Had their plans changed once? Where did you stand in that new plan?

"Yes." 

Wamuu sighed, "I'll miss her company a bit."

"I'm right here," you snapped, annoyed that they were talking like you couldn't hear them. "You can talk about me like I'm in the room, please."

Wamuu's hand paused beneath your ribs, hovering innocently. He tenderly kissed the top of your head apologetically. Kars watched, his eyes flashing with an emotion you could quite place- somewhere between annoyance and jealousy. 

"I'm sorry, mighty one," Wamuu said. 

"That's fine. I just don't feel well today," you sighed again.

Kars chuckled, his voice carrying sarcasm, "Aren't we all?"

You turned your face back to Wamuu's chest, closing your eyes and listening for his heartbeat. Warmth met your cheeks as you let your mind wander again. Everyone would likely be disappointed in you if they knew what you had done. But luckily for you, everyone wasn't here right now. 

"What troubles you, (y/n)?" Wamuu asked, his tone kind and tender.

"Jeez, I don't know. It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that I was stolen from my home and I haven't seen the sun in forever. No, it's couldn't be that at all." 

"Let's walk," he said, lifting you effortlessly from your perched position and placing you on your feet. "You don't need to be in this stuffy room. May we, Kars?"

"You don't know what I need," you shot back, finally feeling your old streak of anger flare up again. It was comforting, it felt normal.

Kars ignored you, "Yes, you may." 

Wamuu gently guided you out of the dining hall and into the open hallway. Part of you wanted to resist, but the more dominant part of you was yearning for time alone with him. You walked silently beside him, his hand splayed across your back leading you down the hallway. He didn't push, he didn't say a word. Finally, he broke the silence.

"I don't know what you need."

"What?"

"I don't know what you need," he repeated. "But I know that sitting in that room and being sad was not good for either of us. Defeats happen, why wallow in it? We can grieve in ways that feel better, can't we?" 

"Sure."

By now, the two of you had wandered your way to what must have been near the front of the building. A large stone staircase descended to an open room with the first windows you had seen in this entire place. Moonlight poured in, bathing the entire place in pale blue. God, the outside world was so close.

"I'd be lying if I said that I would try to stop you if you ran," Wamuu sighed, sitting at the top of the staircase. "But I can't guarantee the safety of your friends if you do. I can't guarantee your safety if you do."

You sat beside him and leaned your head on his shoulder. "I'd be lying if I said running wasn't tempting. But I love my friends too much."

"An honorable position to take."

"Why'd you bring me here?"

He shrugged, "Just to see. The garden is nice but it's still enclosed. There's so much more space here." 

You didn't say anything else, just wrapped your arms around him from the side. His hand came to rest on your shoulder, tucking you safely against him. You felt him sigh more than you heard it, felt the deep rise and fall of his broad chest against your cheek. You didn't have the energy to feel conflicted about it this time, all you could focus on was how nice this felt. How safe you felt. 

"I wish things were different, mighty one," Wamuu whispered. "I really do."