Invisible

Chapter 5

"Lise. Can you hold me for a little while longer?"
After that Lisa and I stayed in this position for almost an hour. We finally broke apart when Amy and Lauren walked into my room.
"I want to cuddle to." Amy stated but as soon as she saw the dried tears on both our faces her smile fell. "What's going on?"
"We'll tell you let's get our other sisters so we can talk about everything"
"I'll go get them you sit down with them." Lauren stated and looked at Amy. She nodded and sat down on my other side. Lisa let go of me and I scooted over to her.
She smiled and embraced me in a warm hug. I curled myself up in her lap. "Love you Lil." She mumbled in my hair I smiled in her shoulder and hid my face in her neck.
Downstairs I heard Lauren talking to Christina and Katherine. Lisa got up "I'll be back in a few. I am going to get some blankets."
She walked the stairs down and I could hear her join the talk in the kitchen. Amy played with my hair and pulled me closer to her if that was even possible. We sat in total silence while waiting for our sisters to come back just enjoying the warmth radiating from each other.
"I've got the blankets and Kath and Chris are here. Lauren is getting Dani." Lisa stumbled in the room with a huge pile of blankets.
She dropped most of them down on the floor but put one of them around Amy and I making sure we were both nice and warm tucked in, before sitting herself down on the bed and curling up against Amy. She curled herself up in one of the blankets and smiled at me. I took one of her hands and interlocked our fingers. She brushed her thumb over the back of my hand. Kath and Christina had walked in. They sat down on the floor and curled up in some of the blankets Lisa brought in.
"So guys what's up?" Chris looked at us she expected us to answer. Lisa looked at me. "We should wait for Lauren and Dani. It would be easier to tell it only once." I said while playing with Lisa's and mine locked fingers.
They nodded but looked really concerned.
"Well we're here now let's get over with this. I've got better places to be at." Dani plopped down on the floor while Lauren sat down on Amy's other side.
"Lise can you tell them. I am too scared." I mumbled so quietly that only Lauren, Amy and Lisa understood what I said.
She nodded and took a deep breath in.
"Well after dinner I went upstairs to see if Lil still needed some more help with math. When I went passed the bath room I first thought she took a shower but I could hear her throwing up." She took another deep breath and looked if someone understood what she intended to say. I looked down at my hands by now I had stopped playing with Lisa's and my hand and instead started fiddling with them hem of my shirt. The reaction my sisters could possibly have in a few seconds scared me.
Lisa said she would be there for me and that she loved me, but I didn't feel this way. The last fourteen years everyone told me that they loved me and that they cared for me but they never truly did. All they did was hurting me, leaving me when I needed them. Not caring about me when I needed them, why was I even so stupid to tell Lisa what had been going on. I never should have trusted her. Never should have trusted anyone. They are going to leave me especially after all that had been going with me.
Now that I am broken nobody could love me, could care for me. Why even bother trying?
"She was throwing up on purpose. She did it because she felt the need to lose weight." She was talking calm and precise not showing much emotion. But I knew better. If she had shown emotion she would have been crying again and that was the one thing that she didn't want to do right now. Right now she felt the need to stay strong for our sisters and I.
I felt Amy who still held me close shaking. As I looked up at her I saw the tears in her eyes. She pulled me closer to her.
A sob escaped Laurens lips so I looked over to her. She was fully sobbing now.
Christina and Kath who still sat on the floor looked shocked. Just shocked. While Dani didn't react at all. She just sat there and looked at me. She seemed annoyed.
I knew it. They were annoyed they didn't love me. They didn't care about me. They hated me.
"Lillian." Christina stood in front of me and forced me with her right hand to look at her. "Baby girl. Why? You're so beautiful and so loved. Why would you do this?"
"I'm fat and I keep gaining weight. And compared to all of you I'm just so ugly. Just look at me. I am fat. I look like a whale."
She had tears in her eyes. "Baby your not fat and your not ugly. Your so beautiful. You've got those sparkling eyes and this long hair. And when you smile you've got those cute little dimples." She poked my side making me laugh a bit. "Look there they are."
Lisa had sat down next to Lauren holding her close to her chest and calming her down. Kath had sprung into action to, she walked towards Amy and I. She sat down at the place Lisa had originally sat.
Only Dani still sat on the floor.
"You're not alone. We're all here for you now. It's gonna be okay. I promise." Kath talked quiet but not quiet enough that I could understand it.
I knew that even though they promised to help me they would let me fall in the end. Everyone does. People never keep their promises towards me. I curled up on Amy's lap and played with the hem of her dress. She was still crying but not as bad as before. She pulled me as close as possible. "Honey your so thin. It's scary. I can feel your ribs right now. Your risking your health and your life with this. Please promise me that you will try to get better." She talked in a normal Volume but in this room where only Laurens crying and Lisa's and Kath encouraging whispers could be heard it felt like she was shouting.
Chris stood up and looked at me. "From now on your always eating with one of us. Even if this means that we have to stay at the table with you for hours. We all love you and we all will support you."
I nodded and looked at the floor.
"Look me in the eyes baby. I want you to look at me." She put two fingers under my chin and made me look at her.
"Promise me you will try to get better." She opened her arms and looked at me expectingly. Amy eased her grip and Christina pulled me to her chest.
She got up with me in her arms and carried me over to one of the other beds in the room.
She started to sing and to caress me.
Even though I didn't not want I got sleepy and I felt my eyes flutter. Christina pulled me even closer, played with my hair while her other hand traced shapes on my back and shoulders.