How to Steal a Heart

~ Chapter 40 ~

He was staring at me-

has been for quite some time, actually. I couldn't find it in myself to yell at him. In fact, I couldn't find it in myself to speak at all.

My thoughts are running wild about what I've just done. The media will probably draw a hundred conclusions and none of them will be the truth. I expect none of the conclusions will even mention my father having anything to do with it.

What I'm really interested to know is the lie my father will tell them.

My father

Bitterness poured through my veins as my thoughts moved to him. Even after I run out of the house, covered in glass, blood pooling at my feet; he still yells. He's still angry. I don't know if that man is even capable of the emotion empathy. I wonder if he even knows how to spell it.  

It seems as the days pass he shows me more and more of himself. I don't remember him being like this when I was young. He wasn't a nice man, but he wasn't a self-absorbed bastard either. 

And I still love him - Isn't that crazy? 

I can't decide if I think making the post was a mistake or not. The whole reason I did it was for the truth to rise but after some serious thought, I realized I'm in no position to speak it. Why wasn't I smarter about this? I could write a book about my childhood then sell it.

"You still hate me?"

I didn't even look towards him. I could tell he wanted to lighten the mood, but it just wasn't going to work. I've been avoiding dealing with reality for a long time and now I have to think it out.

Axel took me to the house he shares with the boys. Even after I repeatedly told him to just leave me alone. I refused to get out of his car so he sat with me. It's been hours and he's still sitting with me. I would've swooned at the gesture three weeks ago.

"What are you thinking about?"

"A lot of things."

It was the first time I responded to him in hours. I wasn't looking at him, but I could feel his shock in the way he moved.

"It's like three in the morning, you should get some sleep,"

"You should go away."

He sighs.

"Victoria, I-"

"Stop," I grit through my teeth, "Don't even start,"

"How long are you going to be mad at me?"

"I'm not even mad at you, Axel," I looked him in his face, "I'm hurt. I'll admit it. I'll end the back and forth between us. I'm hurt- you hurt me,"

"I never meant to-"

"People never do," I scowled at him. Anger that I'd thought vanished instantly rising once again.

"You were the most important person in my life, and suddenly, we were strangers again!" I turned my body fully towards him, "You were the only person I didn't think would leave me. The only person-,"

-I didn't want to leave

I stopped myself. He was hearing me, but he wasn't listening. In his eyes, I can see I'm not explaining it very well. I turn away from him to stare back out of the window. In his eyes, he's never left. In his eyes, he's always been there. 

I miss him so much I just want to forget the argument and stop being mad at him. However, when I begin to want to forget, I remember all the times I smiled at him and got nothing back. I remember how many times we made eye contact and he laughed and looked away. Maybe it was nothing, small things that I've overthought. There were moments where I couldn't say everything I wanted to say to him. Our usual flowing conversation seemed to be clouded. 

It was scary, that we were drifting apart and I didn't know why, or how. 

"I've been at your beck and call since the day we met. You have me wrapped around your pretty little finger. What else could you possibly want from me?"

I paused, "I want nothing from you, Axel,"

I was giving him a hard time. We were going in circles and I can see that. Axel hit a nerve. I don't know what he hit, but I've been in a shamble of my emotions ever since. It wasn't anything he did that hit it. It was the way he looked at me. He no longer saw me.

"Why don't you stop lying?"

"I'm not lying," I answered truthfully, "I want nothing new from you. You've given me everything I could've ever asked for in a person. You understood me, you considered me, you cared for me,"

I blink back my tears, refusing to start crying again.

"You have shown me more affection than everybody in my entire life combined. I told you I appreciated you and I still do. Just because we didn't work out doesn't mean you weren't the best thing to ever happen to me, Axel Stone,"

For a split second, I thought I could see his eyes cloud up.

"At the same time, you have broken my heart in ways I've never known possible. You deserve answers, but I can't explain it to you,"

My chest starts to heave, "I know I said I hated you, but that will never be true. You are an amazing person - a kind person. It pains me to know that the hurt that I feel deep in my chest is from you and I still can't bring myself to be mad at you."

I leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek. Silently, I open the car door and get out. As much as I hate the thought of sleeping in his house. I really have no place to go. The ethical side of me takes over as I approach the front door, luckily for me, it was open.

The house looked homely at night as well. Everything looked the exact same as the last time I was here. The house was silent, yet it still held a presence. That is something my house never had.

This house has life, love. This house is lived in, used.

Although, I'm here on the property. I will not sleep in the house. I opened the back sliding glass doors. There are three lawn chairs scattered through the yard. I didn't think twice about laying on one.

The night was warm; if I think hard enough I can pretend it's a blanket.

However, I couldn't even think as my body settled in the lawn chair. I just let myself stare to the side. My mind was completely blank for the first time in forever. I felt nothing. I wasn't content, but I wasn't sad.

This feeling was strange - as I normally think and admire everything. I just couldn't bring myself to be optimistic. Come to think about it, I've been feeling that way a lot recently. There was nothing beautiful about this moment. Nothing serene about feeling myself swirl into the darkness that my eyelids brought.

My eyelids started to slow their blinking and I let myself fall. Hopefully falling to create a beautiful new dream. Something that was more peaceful than reality.

Words that I may have or may have not dreamt was the last thing on my mind:

"I'm not leaving you. Not this time."