Dark Paradise | Kylo Ren | X Reader

12 Where Are You When I Need You? 12

[The middle of this chapter will have a trigger warning, I placed it directly before the paragraph.]

You rose from the bed and retrieved your blood covered towel from the floor. As you wrapped it around your frame for coverage, you watched Kylo's eyes analyze the way your body moved. The remanence of Kylo's victims stained your bare skin. You felt as if you'd tagged along with him on his killing spree. It was nauseating to ruminate on and the strong urge to ask him what had happened out there arose in your thoughts. But you feared that Kylo would be angry with you for asking so you stayed silent.

"I wouldn't be angry. I am aware of your concern, but I won't not be answering any of your questions." Kylo's gaze fell towards the floor.

Kriff. You had forgotten that he possessed the ability to hear your thoughts on occasion.

"Look, if you don't want to discuss it you don't have to but I was just- I was just worried. About you. When I saw you, you looked...different. Like something horrific had happened out there."

"I see...but I'm fine." Kylo cleared his throat.

"Uh, it certainly doesn't seem like it..." You gestured to the dried blood masking his face.

"I said, I'm fine." Kylo stammered.

"You know...why do you act the way you do? So emotionless and cold? It's so fucking frustrating Kylo, it really is. You shield yourself from letting anyone in, from letting me in. Why can't you let your guard down for once?"

You were unaware of the sentence that had just escaped your mouth until you saw the expression on Kylo's face.

Hurt.

Before you could speak again Kylo darted out the door and into the hall.

You'd scared him away again.

It seemed almost impossible for the two of you to ever have a meaningful conversation. That part, was his fault. The feelings that came Kylo walking out on you weren't new. They'd stuck with you for most of the time lately but you tried your best to ignore them.

You let out a loud sigh and decided to resume your shower.

As the hot water trickled down your back you found yourself lost in a world, thinking about what you and Kylo could be if he were to change. You yearned to see him possess any emotion that wasn't anger or sadness for once. Unfortunately that would never happen and you were certain of it.

You finished your shower and continued on with your nightly routine. Once you were ready for bed you hopped into your covers, you were exhausted both mentally and physically...you immediately fell into a deep sleep.

Before you knew it, it was morning and Lydia was shaking you to wake up.

"I'm up, I'm up." You yawned while rubbing your eyes.

"Good, I got you some breakfast from the cafe on my way up. Couldn't sleep, I woke up hours ago." Lydia placed the food on your nightstand.

"Thanks." You giggled.

You had no clue how Lydia managed to stay on top of things, it amazed you sometimes.

"Gotta head down to the bay now, I'll catch you later." Lydia strolled towards the door.

"Sounds good, bye." You smiled.