Dark Paradise | Kylo Ren | X Reader

29 Lost Without You 29

You woke with your heart a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. It was a sort of sleep in which your eyes shot open every hour, thinking to yourself that you haven't really been sleeping at all.

A fairly loud knock on your door startled you and your feet sunk into the fuzzy black rug as you made your way over. Twisting the knob lazily, you revealed Vicrul standing before you, mask in hand.

"Morning." He gave you a homely nod.

"Morning...how is he?" It was as if your mind had the evil intention of shattering you, forcing those words out of your mouth, leaving a bitter taste of sorrow on your tongue.

"I visited him earlier this morning but he didn't remember me. He referred to himself as Ben which I haven't heard such a name in years, so he's still pretty messed up."

You fell silent.

"Oh shit, did you not know...about Ben?" Panic took over Vicrul's expression.

"No I- I did. He told me about Ben Solo after he got shot." Your voice shook, nerves saturating your brain as you spoke.

"Oh ok." Relief washed over his face.

"Um can I see him?" You furrowed your brows, staring up at Vicrul with especially worn and puffed up eyes.

"Yeah c'mon." Shifting away from the doorframe, he gestured to the hallway outside.

"Wait, actually can you come back in an hour or so? I- I just woke up I'd rather freshen up before seeing him."

"Yeah of course, I'll be back then." His hand rose up off the knob, shooting you a wave before his exit.

You let out a huff of enervation and trotted over to the bathroom. Your feet collided with the especially chilled tile floor as you flicked the light switch on. Even bathing seemed to be both a mentally and physically draining task but you felt it was necessary to try and free your chaotic mind.

You switched on the shower and began to undress. Shifting the curtain aside, your toes were the first to feel the puddles that'd already seemed to form on the floor. You stood beneath the hot needles, face thrust near the spray head, experiencing your headache moving back just the tiniest bit.

You let the stream flow over your figure, drenching your hair, causing it to increase in weight. You lathered your scalp while staring blankly at the white wall, letting the suds slide down your frame as you rinsed. Suffocating your hair in conditioner, you analyzed the steam dancing up towards the ceiling in such a graceful manner. You scrubbed each and every limb, intending to wash away your truly disturbing pain. When you exited, wrapping yourself in a cozy, comforting towel was beyond satisfying.

After brushing your teeth, you concluded your time in the bathroom and you had finally felt something other than sadness. But that didn't last long. You were immediately met with the same bed you'd spent one of your darkest nights in. You still believed the concept to be fake, and that's all you wanted. For someone to inform you that this was all a joke. An unfunny, sick joke. But rationally, you knew that wasn't the case.

Slipping into a spare outfit that'd been stuffed into one of the drawers, you smoothed the wrinkles, trying your hardest to look somewhat decent. You raked a brush through your hair, still damp and dense, then threw it up into a high ponytail. Just as you were sliding into your shoes, you heard the same exact knock style as this morning.

"Hey, we can go now." You bowed your head to Vicrul before heading down the hall outside your room.

"I just wanna say, I don't know how this is gonna go, just be prepared ok? I don't want you to get your hopes up." He turned to face you, mimicking your pace.