The Corpse and the Medical Examiner

Episode Three

Dagon hummed and walked down to the office and see Crowley's desk empty. He's probably upstairs being a weirdo, she thinks to herself. Wasn't her business either way. She clicks her tongue at the state of his desk. What a messy guy.

The rest of the office is fine expect- oh fuck is that a dead body on the couch?

Why is there a body of the couch. What the fuck is Crowley doing when she's not here? Did a guy just die on their couch while chilling? This is going to be so much paperwork.

She walks over to the couch and sees that he is not moving or breathing. She touches his face, and shivers. Its fucking cold! like someone took a water bottle out of the freezer or something. How long was this guy dead for and how the shit is he in this area. He wasn't there last night.

Dagon will not be able to pick this guy up without jostling him around and probably spilling his decomposed innards everywhere. How the shit is he so intact, he feels like he has been dead and in the ground for a month. Of course she gets paid the lowest amount of an ME salary and she has to deal with a psychopath as a coworker or something. Though good on her freak of a coworker if he hid being crazy for three years of working here.

She sighs and goes to do roll a cadaver table over and somehow gets him onto it. She didn't even move him to badly. It is way lighter than what she expected but its better on her. Wait is he fucking hollow?

No he has some weight to him. Dagon is just freaking herself out, and she zips the body bag over him. She needs to talk to Crowley once he gets down. Maybe she could go and yell at him about the fucking body on the couch. He might loose his job, but if Dagon is finding corpses around the office there is a big problem.

No she will wait.

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She didn't have to wait long. Crowley was downstairs looking like he was looking for something.

"Crawly why the fuck was there a corpse on the couch?"

Crowley looks at her confused, 'There wasn't a dead body on the couch?" He looks over and then his eyes widened.

"Fuck Aziraphale! Dagon where did he go?" He looked frantic.

Dagon scowls in disgust, "In a body bag where the dead belong Crowley are you mental? You on first name basis with the preserved cadaver?"

Crowley stands up suddenly very serious, "Dagon where did you put the bag?"

"Why the hell should I tell you? So you can find your fucking dead body toy?"

"Please Dagon This is fucking serious!"

Something feels wrong, he looks frantic, scared for something. She knows its probably fear of loosing his job, but something pokes at her, that he's scared about something else.

She walked him over to the table and he opened the bag. He looked petrified but took a breath.

"Zira wake up." Dagon feels like he finally lost his marbles, but then she laughs at the faces he is making. Its the kind of laugh you make when you're worried and feeing award.

"Aziraphale wake up, you scared Dagon sleeping on the couch."

Her laughter is cut short by a popping noise. Oh fucking god. The corpses eyes just opened. He rubbing at his eyes blearily, his shoulders making disgusting crackling noises and he looks dazed.

"Crowley? Where?" He rubs his face with both hands and then looks around.

"Am I in a body bag?" he asks calmly.

And Dagon screams.

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A hand clamps over her mouth, "Shut up. I'll explain just stop screaming."