Like Orion & Spark

16: Until I Find a Flaw

My teeth chattered as I sat in the back seat of the taxi, listening to the news on the radio interspersed between songs I'd heard ten minutes previously.

"I think my body turned into an ice cube. It feels like I'm melting," I said. My body clung to Kieran's. Droplets of salty water ran down my back. The smell of the ocean was fused to the air. It had a nostalgic tinge to it—when I walked back through my memories, the ocean breeze always came along with it.

"That is normally how being cold works," Kieran replied, the sarcasm clear in his tone. He was holding my hands, leeching the heat away. I was trying to keep him warm. It was a delicate balance.

The return trip seemed much shorter than I had expected. Perhaps it was because I was returning to the city I knew, returning from the dream I couldn't believe was real. Our arrival at Kieran's apartment came much too soon. I needed just another second longer, another second to linger.

I climbed out of the car, my hands connecting with Kieran's hold. It sort of felt reminiscent, the way I was standing at the edge of the sidewalk, waiting for him to speak. Waiting, inevitably, for my inhibitions to break the curse.

"Here we go. This is me." Kieran gestured behind us, to his apartment, subtly reminding me of the chance I'd missed.

This time, I wasn't making that mistake. "Well," I said, slowly, coyly, "I guess I'd better get going."

Kieran stared at me. I let him do this for a moment before adding, "Just kidding."

"Were you, though?"

Laughter escaped me. "I'd like to think I'm not that dumb."

Side by side, I walked with Kieran to the elevator, and through the halls to his apartment. And when we arrived, I didn't waste a single second. Knowing I had allowed myself to fall—even for a second—my mind was whirling, faster, faster.

But now wasn't the time for worrying. I let myself fall, and Kieran fell alongside me. And I did anything but sleep.

***

I wrestled the bedsheets closer to my neck, blocking out the distant rays of bleeding sunlight. My eyes opened slightly, straining to make sense of what I was seeing.

My vision traced across the beige walls as I searched for familiarity. The bed, propped against the wall, faced a closet. It was slightly ajar, enough to catch a glimpse of the pile of half-folded clothes sitting on the top shelf.

Kieran shifted, turning over in his sleep. His warmth was almost protective, and his arm rested around me. At some point, we swapped places, and his legs were tangled on top of mine.

I rolled into his embrace and closed my eyes, listening to his methodical intake of breath. Just having him next to me was a wonderfully magnetic reason to never move again.

After slipping into sleep, Kieran's movements nudged me into awareness.

"Hey," he grumbled.

Somehow, that single word melted me. I hooked my fingers into his shirt and gently pulled him closer, until our noses touched. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

I wanted to ask him before he could ask me; I didn't know how I could lie to him after spending the night together. Hadn't I promised to be honest?

Kieran paused for a moment before admitting, "I should have done that a lot sooner. Maybe it would have been too fast. Maybe it's too soon to say this, but I really like you, Riley. I've never felt like this with anyone else before."

I leaned into him. A latent part of me hated how he was right—how careless it was to get tangled up when he didn't know. He could never know. I wanted everything to remain as it was, for as long as possible. I wanted this second to last into infinity.