Like Orion & Spark

22: Balanced at the Edge of a Lie

I don't want you to lie to me.

My head whirled. The last time I'd been in Kieran's living room, I'd kissed him. I could still imagine how his thumb traced circles on my skin, as if it had happened mere moments ago.

But it hadn't. Everything was different now. I had caused it—it was entirely my fault—and I didn't know how to fix it.

You could start by telling the truth, my subconscious reminded me.

I breathed deeply as I paced across the room, doubling back in front of the couch. An empty glass sat on the table next to a handmade coaster shaped like a tree. A blanket draped over it was thrown aside, partially covering a notebook filled with what looked like Kieran's work schedule.

I'd never been this restless before. Something about knowing this was it—my last chance—frightened me more than I wanted to admit.

"Let's go back," Kieran suggested, "to the day after the boardwalk. Start there and tell me what happened."

He sounded angry, but in a curious, sort of detached fashion.

I gathered my thoughts and told him, "When I woke up, you said things were moving too fast. I started thinking about how quickly everything happened, and I guess I realized how little I knew about you. I didn't intend to suggest staying at your place, I just thought it would be nice to have some space from the fraternity for once. I know I should have waited for you to come back from work, but I couldn't."

Kieran watched me as I walked. He set his jaw and rubbed his face, deep in thought. "Since Trevor wouldn't tell me anything, I figure he had something to do with this? Or—"

I muttered a curse under my breath. Part of me couldn't believe Trevor had defended me to his engineering buddy. If I had destroyed their friendship, I certainly wouldn't be as forgiving as Kieran.

(I know what you're thinking: you haven't told him about the testing kit. I'm getting there, I promise.)

"It wasn't," I responded. "I asked Trevor to lie for me, which... I shouldn't have done that either. I know how close you are."

Kieran looked up. "I'm not quite sure I understand."

I sat at the edge of the couch and got to my feet again. "I—I found an EVE-1 testing kit in your stuff and kind of freaked out."

(You see? What'd I tell you?)

His expression soured. It was hard to discern what he was feeling—I needed to hear him speak. If he never wanted to talk to me...

"You went through my stuff?"

I nodded solemnly. "Listen, I understand if you're angry. I really—"

"Why?" Kieran asked. When he looked at me, I could normally see the adoration hiding behind the beautiful clear blue of his eyes, but as I met his gaze, it was replaced with betrayal.

Averting my eyes, my shoulders drooped. I scanned the floor as my heartbeat thudded in my ears. "You are perfect. Everything you do, everything you say... there was something about it that I couldn't shake. I was convinced you were hiding something from me, that there was a reason why I felt the way I did. I had no right to look through your—"

"No, you didn't," Kieran interjected. "I didn't leave you here so you could snoop. In case you've forgotten, I didn't know much about you, either. I let you stay because I trusted you. A person I had just met. What gives you the right to search through my things? Even if you doubted I was being honest, I remember telling you I wanted the truth. Did that mean anything to you?"