The Malfoy Mystery

2 • therapy

2

It had been quite some while since Draco had woken up from a nightmare without panicking. It may be because yesterday's encounter with the Weasley must have enfeebled out his energy. Maybe this day would be better than the previous ones.

All of his expectancies crashed as soon as he saw his mother conversing with a woman. Most probably a psychiatrist. She had brown wavy ringlets that advanced till her mid-back. She kind of reminded him of someone. Draco internally shrugged.

Draco was fetched out of his fantasy world when the chattering became distinctively loud. He peeked ahead to see Narcissa and the doctor smiling politely at each other.

"Ma'am, don't worry, your son is in very capable hands. Good day, Mr Malfoy, it's great to see you. I'm Dr Wilkins, your new therapist."

Draco replied, "Morning, just call me Draco," he glanced towards his mother as she swiftly nodded.

"Conduct yourself appropriately, Draco," Narcissa said as she ultimately left the enclosure, leaving Draco and Dr Wilkins to solitude.

Dr Wilkins sat down on a chair opposite the couch, a notepad and pen in her hands as she signalled Draco to settle down in front of her. Draco hesitated before eventually relaxing on the sofa. They gazed at each other for a while as Dr Wilkins was taking note of his body stance and expressions. To make the boy feel less discomfiting and uneasy, she initiated a slight conversation.

"It's quite sunny today, isn't it Draco? I thought it would have been raining till now from those thunderous clouds yesternight."

At the mention of yesterday's clouds, Draco subconsciously flinched and tried to respond, "Well, yeah."

"Tell me something about your preferable weather, Draco. You must have some kind of bias towards anyone."

"I'm not a lover of dark skies, even if it's because of clouds during the day. They just- I mean- it's quite murky, isn't it?"

Dr Wilkins noticed as Draco hesitated before opening up about the real justification for the skies. Draco felt awkward explaining why he felt the same, so the doctor decided to call it a day. They wished each other and decided to meet after 2 days at the exact time. Draco didn't feel better all of a sudden, but his mother cajoled him to persist in therapy.

"Son, you would not feel more pleased after one session. If you want your new life to be a content one, you must respect the time and allow it to heal itself."

2.5 

Two days later, at the same time, Draco met Dr Wilkins again.

"Draco, how are you feeling since our previous session?"

Draco shrugged as he replied, "I'm feeling the same since then."

"Last time you told me something about the dark skies and clouds. How they make you feel uneasy. Do you wish to talk about it yet?"

Draco, "..."

"Mr Malfoy, it's normal to feel distressed and anxious about something which has bitter memories associated with it. But the only way you will ever move beyond this trauma is when you confront it, not run away from it. The more you attempt to bury the root issue, the more pain it'll cause you, don't you think so? I'm here to support you in any way I can, I'm not here to judge you. And if you don't feel comfortable talking to me, that's fine! Therapists are here for you, not the other way round."

Draco nodded at the doctor's words and proceeded to talk. As soon as he opened his mouth, he was overcome with distress. Noticing this, Dr Wilkinds turned the other way and avoided eye contact so Draco doesn't feel overwhelmed.

Draco felt nervous since he didn't know how to frame his answer and ended up tapping his foot continuously. Calming down his breathing, he explained to her that it had started with the death of Albus Dumbledore. 

Albus Dumbledore. Probably the greatest wizard alive. Draco shuddered as he reminisced that event.

"Kill him, Draco."

His hands were trembling as tears clouded his vision. He tried to whisper the curse, but his voice couldn't escape his throat. He realized he had chosen the sinful side of the war, and there was nothing he could do about it. He could be safe if he was on this side of the war but live with regrets and dishonour for the rest of his life. Or he could join Potter but be annihilated shortly after. It wasn't much of an alternative.

To his relief, Snape took over and committed the deed for him. He knew this moment to haunt him for the rest of his life. Draco was distraught when Bellatrix pushed him inside. He was the wizard who set the wildfire in the woods. He was the one who sparked the war. The reason why many orphans were suffering the loss of their parents. Cause he was too coward to choose the right side.

After a few moments after Draco had calmed down, Dr Wilkins spoke up gently.

"If you could, what part would you change?"

Draco wasn't able to answer.

"Draco, our past, present and future are affected by variables way out of our control. You strongly feel that your contribution led to certain events, but there's no guarantee that it wouldn't have happened anyway! Anyone with a conscious would feel guilty for the chance-not-taken. The fact that you do just shows how badly you want to be redeemed. The way you will move forward in peace is by forgiving yourself."

"How could I do this when the rest of the wizarding community treats me like a plague? And they have a good reason to do so."

"Then you should start by apologizing to them."

Draco agreed.

After their session concluded, Draco made his breakfast and went to his room. He decided to jot down how he felt, when, where and why and everything in a journal given by Dr Wilkins. After every entry, he decided to burn it so that no one could read it.

There was a knock on his door, and it opened gently. Draco noticed Narcissa standing outside his room.

"Draco, I need to talk with you. I got a letter from Minerva McGonagall regarding attending Hogwarts. Now I know what you'll say but you shoul-"

"I'll go to Hogwarts."

Wilkin had done wonders. Draco's health was improving.