I'm Not Leaving // lrh

56 || blood, sweat, and tears

eatily, chealsea
6:30pm

A

"So that's all I get?" My dad asks, across the dinner table from me.

"Uh-huh."

"Amara."

"Father."

"Don't be a wise ass."

"Too late."

"What if we make a deal then? And I'll drop it." He offers, signing the check despite me trying to pay this time.

"A deal?" I frown.

"Yeah. It'll be good practice for you one day when you're big and bad at Vogue Italia or somethin'." He chuckles.

"Okay. What is it?" I sigh, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I'll stop asking about your personal life, this once, if you come to the party Vanity Fair's throwing for P.P's anniversary."

"Oh, dad!" I groan, rolling my eyes to the back of my head.

"Now that's not very professional, Maree."

"You set me up!" I accuse.

"A little. But what do you say? I'll even turn off the Google alert on my phone for your name." He offers, using his iPhone as a prop.

"I - I have my show coming up, and there's Christmas, and we have Hanukkah, New Years." Needless to say, I'm not exactly the biggest fan of the holiday season. It just all piles up. It's too much.

"Your friends are invited. I know that's not enticing right now. But, maybe when you make up, you'll be glad to have them." He says, his tone much softer.

"Yeah. Right." I raise my eyebrows and pick at the leftovers on my plate I have no intention of actually eating.

"So is that a yes? Hell, I'll even buy you a dress sweetie! Just, please come. I - I respect your decision to work where you are. And I'm so proud of you. But you know, image is - is everything in my line of work. It's bullshit. I know it is. But since the divorce and my rounds with Benjamin, I just need to show the world some stability. And I won't ask you to go to any P.P events for a full calendar year." He drones on, finishing his stiff drink.

And of course he pulls all the guilt out of me even though I know he's not doing it on purpose.

"Yeah. Yeah, sure. But I'll make my own dress." I chuckle.

And that was that.

Before I walked home, yes I'm doing a lot of walking these days, I decided to stop by a pet store. I do it sometimes, to look at the kittens up for adoption, always talking myself out of getting one. It's just sort of therapeutic to visit them and window shop and sometimes let the employees convince me into holding them.

But when I stopped by today, I almost left with one. An orange tabby with a bit of their left ear missing. But I also figured that maybe getting this kitten would be putting a band aid over a problem that might need something more.

With everything going on I can't remember the times when I came home and felt nothing but peace and joy in my solitude. Lately it's just reminding me how alone I am being cut off by everyone again, especially Luke.

According to my own Google alert, yeah, Luke's back in L.A. He was spotted on a jog in his neighborhood, and he threatened to throw his iPod at their van. It was almost funny if it wasn't depressing to remember he did come back to the states, and didn't want to talk to me yet.