Beautiful Goodbye (punk luke hemmings fanfic)

"The best part of me"

16th of December                                                                                                                     15:00

It's been five days since i last wrote. I've been feeling kinda of sad, especially in this time because it's almost Christmas and he's not here. It sucks because Christmas is about spending time with your loved ones, the ones who make you really happy, and he's not here. I didn't bought presents this year, i can't find the strenght to get out of this room, i actually only leave my room to go to school. I only stare at our picture, the last picture we took.. We looked so happy. He was holding me in his arms and looking down at me, and i was smiling. I was smiling so much. I still remember the last Christmas we spent together.. My dad didn't want Luke around the house because Christmas is about being with the family so we couldn't spend the day together so around 01 a.m he threw little rocks at my window. I remember going to the balcony and smile at him, and then running to the backyard. As soon as i got there he gave me a big hug and whispered "Merry Christmas babe" and a big smile appeared in my face. I actually didn't bought him a present and i felt so shitty when he handed me his present. After apologizing a hundred times, i opened the present.. And it was the most beautiful thing ever. It was a silver bracelet and it had a small heart with our date. To a lot of people might seem an "ordinary present" but to me was the most precious thing on Earth. And it really made me emotional because everyone was used to see Luke the Bad Boy, the one who was heartless and rude, the tattooed boy who didn't care about anyone except for himself, and i wanted them to see my Luke. The boy who cared about everyone, the boy that said lame jokes just to see a smile, the boy who would do anything for his family and friends. My mom came to my room yesterday, she seemed exhausted and sad. She's been arguing with my dad these past few weeks. They've been arguing over me. They've been throwing the blame on to each other. It sucks because i really wanna be okay and i really wanna smile because i don't want to be the shitty kid that ruined her parents wedding, but everytime i feel better and capable of smiling he "shows up" and i get down again. I feel so stupid because the only thing i can do is cry and i know it's been seven months but i can't find the strenght to move on. I loved him too much to just let everything go. I can't do that. I won't do that. I don't feel ready to let go the best part of me. I know that i will have to let him go one day, but i just can't do it right now. It's too soon to move on. I don't think i'll ever be capable of moving on. Yesterday i went back to hell. School, i mean... It went perfectly normal, the boys and Hayley tried to make me smile and as usual i put on my best (fake) smile and pretend i'm okay. I went to his house.. Actually i went to the front door but i didn't have the guts to knock on the door. I don't know how i got there, i left school and i started to walk and i guess i got lost in my own head. Or maybe it's because i actually am used to do that.. We used to go to his house everyday after school maybe that's why i ended up at his door. I remembered all the kisses and "i love you"'s we exchanged in front of that door. I left his porch running and crying. That's all i've been doing this past few months. Running and crying. Thankfully my brother was the only person in the house. Alex is literally one my best friends, i tell him everything. And as much as i want to hide how i've been feeling he knows me better than i know myself and i can't hide anything from him. Due to all this mess, my grades have been getting down. I used to get A's and now it's only C's. The teachers are worried about me, and they called my parents and told them. My father's face was unreadable and my mom was so sad.. They fought over my grades, that night. I haven't talked with my sister, Maddy. I heard her sobbing in the bathroom last night.. She's only 12 and she has to deal with all this problems and i need to be there for her, but i'm not even here for myself.. It's almost Christmas but here in my house the Christmas spirit hasn't showed up.

I miss you so much Luke. Come back please, i feel so lonely without you. I love you so much.. 

4TH CHAPTEEEEEER, THANKS TO EVERYONE THAT'S BEEN READING THE STORY, AND I'M SORRY FOR BEING SO LATE AT POSTING BUT I HAD A FEW PROBLEMS THIS WEEK. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING GUYS, AND DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!! THANK YOUUUU XX