17th of December 13:01
Today i woke up smiling, wich has been rare during these past 7 months. I woke up smiling because i had dream about him. I don't think it was actually a dream, i look at it has a reminder of what we lived together. How we first met, our first fight, our first date, our first kiss, the first time we held hands, the first time he slept over, our sneak outs.. I actually got out of my room not just because of all this but because i want to get better, i want to be able to smile more, i wanna show my parents that i'm getting better but most of all i wanna show to myself that i'm moving on.. Not from him, but from this sadness. I don't think i'll ever be able to move on from him. Today was the first time in 7 months that i actually had put some effort on me. I wore some colour, i didn't wear anything black today. I had straightened my hair and i wore some make-up. My mom was surprised and Alex gave me the biggest smile ever. Maddy seemed a little bit down so i promised that i would take her shopping, and she actually gave me a smile. My dad wasn't around the house, lately he's always out.. Ashton literally threw a party as soon as he saw me, Michael and Haley smiled so much when they saw me.. And Calum reacted a bit weirdly today. He saw me and he looked me up and down and didn't say anything. He kept throwing glances at me and i found myself smiling at some point. Don't get me wrong i don't like Calum, only as a friend of course, but Luke was the only person who did that and it reminded me a bit of him, and maybe that's why i was smiling. I got home two hours ago, we didn't have the last two periods, thank god, so i came home. I only came writting now because i was cleaning my room. After seven months i discovered things i didn't thought i owned, i had a giant pile of clothes on the corner of the room and broken glasses. That was from the day his mother called me.. The day i got the worst news ever. At first i didn't believed but after getting the news i literally broke everything in my room.. It might sound weird but i didn't cleaned my room for seven months, i'm pretty sure my mom cleaned it, at least a few parts of it. While i was cleaning i found the letter his mom gave me, i still haven't opened it. For a second i thought about throwing it away, but i know that one day i will want to read it. One day i will want to know what took him away from me so soon. I'm going to see the psichyatrist in twenty minutes..
17th of December 19:07
I just got home from shopping with Maddy. We went shopping as soon as i left the psichyatrist. She looked so happy, i haven't seen her this happy for a long time. We walked around the mall for at least four hours, but it was so fun. I think we needed it. The psichyatrist told me i was improving, i told them about the past few days and he says it's normal that after a few time i start to feel okay again. I told my mom and my brother and they got super happy for me, my dad entered the house but didn't even said anything. I overheard my mom and Alex talking, and they were talking about Liz showing up early and talking with my mom. I couldn't make out a lot of what they were saying because they were literally whispering but i understood a few parts.. I heard my mom saying to Alex that Liz dropped a box with letters. Letters that he wrote for me. My heart began to pump fast. My mom told Alex that she was thinking of throwing the box away or burn it, my heart told me to tell her not to throw it away, but my head said otherwise. I couldn't move. But something inside me told me that i would want to read it, after all, i've been asking for an explanation ever since Luke left. So i slowly opened the door and i almost whispered my words "please don't throw it away". I felt tears starting to build but i cleaned them with my sweater, and i knew she felt guilty but i needed them. After a long conversation and a few tears she gave me the box. The box is still on my bed, i don't want to open it. I'm going to have to open it eventually. Even after this "incident" i'm still kinda of good, maybe a little less, but i think i can hang in there for a little while. I don't cry very much anymore, but i still have moments where i can't get myself to inhale the fresh hair or smile at my parents and my world feels like it might explode.
You're my anchor Luke. Even though you're not around anymore, you're still my anchor. I love you so much.
5th chapteeeeeeeeeeeer, thanks to everyone that's been reading, means a lot. Vote for my (shitty) fanfic if you liked it, you're all amazing xx
BTW, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS THINKING? DO YOU THINK CALUM WILL TRY TO WIN ANA? ARE YOU LIKING IT SO FAR? GIVE ME YOUR OPINIONS BUBS
YOU ARE READING
Beautiful Goodbye (punk luke hemmings fanfic)
Romance"Maybe you'll understand all my actions, when i'm no longer around"- he whispered
