Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)

Second Person, Twenty-One

Second Person, Twenty-One

You're devastated. You just delivered a stillborn baby, and the parents have wanted this child for nine months. You didn't know it would happen until it did. And you can't seem to stop all your sadness.

This time it's you, who goes to find Meredith Grey to see if she wants to 'go get some chocolate'. Normally you let her do the asking, because you need to know that she really wants to, and you like waiting for her to come to find you.

But you really need it this time, you need some comfort and someone to talk to. And you don't even care if she really loves you at all, even as a friend and no more. You need her to be close to you now, so you can let yourself feel.

You look everywhere, all across the hospital until you see her stroking Derek's hair in the hallway. You turn to leave because she's with him and not alone, but she spies you before you walk away and she must have read something in your face.

She excuses herself from Derek and tells him she'll be home later. And just like that, she's walking with you to your car, asking what variety chocolate you today, seeing as she says to you "it's you who needs it the most this time, and I understand."

She really does get you, and that gets under your skin. Her energy is just so healing, it scares the hell out of you because you never want to go without her. You ask if she likes chocolate gelato and handcrafted ice-cream cones, and she says that she does.

So you start driving over the overpass to near where your hotel is, because that's where the best place is and even she doesn't seem to know this. Of course you realize she was only in Seattle for a few months before you, and she said she went to college in Hanover and grew up between Boston and here, but she was too young to remember much.

All the little things you remember about Meredith are what you think about as you drive Meredith to the gelato shop. Because you don't want to think about loss and dead babies and the tiny white little coffins they bury their baby bodies in.

Meredith senses you might need something to ground you, so she offers a hand on your shoulder. You don't pull away, you don't talk yet. And you don't ask why she chose to spend time with you over him, now.

You just keep your eyes on the open road and hope the gelato shop is open. It is, and you buy yourself a triple-fudge in a waffle cone, while Meredith selects a chocolate chip in a sugar cone, and you take your gelato outside past the store.

"Are you sure you want to eat this in your car?" Meredith asks you skeptically, and you realize it's not a very great idea, after all. So you sit on the little park benches and eat your gelatos. And when she gets some on her chin, you gesture to tell her.

You have to resist the impulse to wipe it away with a napkin yourself. Or with your hand and lick your hand after. Or just to suck the melted chocolate right off of her face. You don't want her to know that you're thinking of her this way, now. So you get up to get some water, and eventually, she follows you.

"Here, let me help carry it," she offers, and you let her- because by now you've calmed down a bit. So you sit as you crunch the ends of the homemade gelato cones under your lips. And it all washes down well with the water, and you both head to the washroom to use a wet paper towel off of your skin.

She reaches over you to grab the paper towel, and you know that your breath hitches but you try not to show it. Meredith doesn't ask you about it, though. So you just keep running your hands under cold water, as she runs hot water over her hands to warm herself up.