Darkness and Hope

Chapter 35

I came back home during the afternoon. I opened the door to hear people shouting. As I walked inside, I realized it was Lars. I stood at the living's room door hearing him screaming at James nervously without any of them acknowledging my presence. They were both nervous, but Lars was the one showing more distress.

"You should have keep your mouth shut." Lars hissed as if he was attacking James. "Why do you always have to tell everything?" He shouted at James. James was sat on a chair looking at him and trying to remain calm.

"Hey!" He pointed a finger at him trying to call for his attention. "I am going through major problems with Ade right now, don't try to divert things." James complained. "This is not about you. This is about me and her. Our life."

"Yeah..." Lars nodded. "...but did you have to tell her we all got girls? What if she tells Connie?" I interrupted Lars there. He had no right to be talking to James that way.

"I am not gonna tell Connie." I said. They both looked back at me. "That is not who I am. But what you're doing is wrong. At least James was strong enough to tell me, even though he knew he was going to put us in danger." I said.

James looked at me with his eyes glittering. I guess it was because I was home. With that said, I left the living room and I went upstairs. I still had to digest the fact that I was pregnant, in love with a man that cheated on me and I didn't have a clue of what to do. I heard them talking downstairs for more than half an hour, but I closed the curtains to make the room dark and I curled on my bed crying, sobbing.

My head was just a mess. When everything was perfect it all came tumbling down, just like any other thing in my life. James cheating... My head was telling me to go away, to leave him, but my heart was telling me to stay. To stay with the man I loved and with the father of the child I was now carrying. This child was, obviously, making all the decisions hard. I rubbed my belly with my hands and cried a bit. "what do I do?" I asked to myself.

Later, I felt the door of the bedroom opening. James sat on the edge of the bed and I tried to silence my sobs, but a hiccup gave me away. James laid on the bed and curled against me and wrapped his arm around my waist. I didn't move it felt good to have him there. We stayed in silence for a while, but we were both crying. After a while, he turned me around gently, and I did it without resistance. He took his hand to my eyes and cleaned them, then he kissed each one of my eyes at a turn. His cheeks wet from his tears.

"I am sorry I was rude with you today." He said whispering.

"You didn't want it." I said. "I can't have a child you don't want." He shook his head hearing my words.

"No Ade...no... I was surprised. I was caught by surprise. We didn't plan it and I wasn't counting on it but it's not that I don't want it. Well... the timing is not perfect but..." He chocked a bit on his tears as he remembered the cause of our anguish. "If only I could erase what I have done. I am so sorry Ade." He said. Tears began to roll down my face.

"I wanted to forgive you, but I can't." He turned on his back and sobbed a bit.

"God..." He sighed crying.

"Why did you make me fall in love with you if you were going to do this? Why making me love you? For this?" I faced him with my most intimate questions. He had to realized the extent of my wound.

"I was weak! I should have resisted, and I didn't." He told me.

"Was she pretty?" I asked. He looked at me and shook his head. "Was she prettier than me?" I needed to understand his reasons.

"I don't even know!" He said. "I don't remember her quite well. Don't do this Ade..." he begged me. "Why do you wanna know that? I don't know Ade... I don't know how she looked like." He said desperate.