Don't Repute The Oxytocin

8

Jan's Pov

I ran out because I couldn't take it anymore. My heart felt like it was about to burst out of my chest whenever I said those words.

His expression made me want to take all my words back. The pain, the hurt in his voice made me want to take it all back.

As I ran and cried, I bumped past a lot of people but none of them bothered to stop and ask me.. until I bumped into Ciize.

She was wearing such a cute dress and she even had a pin clipped to her hair.

She must be on a date.

" Woah.. Jan.. Are you okay? Why are you crying? " She grabbed my wrist before I could go.

I teared up when she asked me that. I felt like spilling everything to her, I couldn't hold it anymore. Earlier, no one bothered to ask me, so when she did, I got even more emotional.

I turned with my teary eyes, making her even more worried. I was about to say something when I saw Gunsmile approaching our direction, being all dressed up as well.

So he's the date.

I looked at them back and forth, they really do look good together.. I shouldn't ruin this.. just because my love life's a mess doesn't mean I should ruin anyone else's..especially my best friend's.

So I faked a smile at her as I wiped away my tears,
" I'm okay Ciize, You can go and have fun with Gunsmile. Congratulations by the way, you guys are going to do well together.. I just know it! "

She looked at me with sad eyes and gave me an unconvincing look,
" No.. don't say that Jan.. You are my best friend, I can go on a date with him any day.. I won't feel happy if I go, knowing that you need me. "

I couldn't even react, she went up to Gunsmile, saying something I couldn't understand since I was far away.

I saw them both nodding at each other as they hugged,

After that, Ciize came back and held my hands,
" Come on.. We can go to your house and we can talk about it. You can tell me everything and anything. " She said reassuringly and smiled.

With her sincerity, I couldn't help but smile too. How lucky am I to have such a friend like this?

The car ride was extremely quiet as I mostly just kept to myself.

Once we arrived home and got to my room, she sat down and held my hands again,
" Are you ready? "

I nodded, and then I started telling her everything from my baby feelings and how it grew until the situation from before.

The first thing she did after hearing it was hug me. She was trying so hard to console me, I just ended up crying even harder.

" I'm sorry I didn't know that.. and just kept on shipping you guys. "

I shook my head, " It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault.. it's not even his fault. It's mine.. mine alone. We both agreed on acting all affectionate anyway, it's not like I was forced to. I was the one that developed feelings on my own.. "

" It's not anyone's fault Jan.. You can't control feelings.. it's not like you wanted to, it just happened okay? Don't blame yourself for it.. "

" And Ssing.. He cares so much about you, you know? Why don't you guys talk it out? I don't feel good seeing my friends like this.. "

I just looked down, " I-I can't.. he already has someone now. I can't do this to myself and especially to him.. I can't.. "

She pulled me into a hug again, stroking my hair,

" Then, be strong hmm? you still got me after all.. It's Ssing's loss not yours.. He let go of such an amazing woman. "

I smiled and thanked her genuinely. I really appreciate that she took her precious time to listen to my nonsensical problems.

She was still worried about me so she decided to sleep here. She quoted
" I don't know what you'd do if you were alone. "

I rolled my eyes at her but low-key, I am so touched by everything she's done for me today.

She's right. I still have her. I still have my friends.. it'll be hard, but I should be able to eventually get over it..