Hello again — Welcome back, Class. I see most of you are still here, minus like... Three of you? Ah, I see Kevin is still here — Hi, Kevin — Haven't talked about dropping out of my class yet, I see. Oh, you're only here for the credits and because you think my class is way easier than the other classes? Pfft, you think my class is going to be easy? You'll see, Kevin — You'll see.
(Kevin, you dinglehopper --)
So, our last class was about beans. I don't like beans anymore, just thought you'd like to know. I still love swiss cheese though, and — Kevin! Now is not the time to be eating! Eating is for lunchtime, not for my class. Put the cheese — Wait — Cheese? Uhh, bring the cheese here and set it on my desk. I'm... Confiscating your cheese. Thank you, Kevin... Now, sit down, shut up, and pay attention.
(I actually still hate most cheeses... I totally wasn't planning on eating the cheese I confiscated from Kevin.)
Because Kevin thinks this class will be easy, I'm going to prove to you that it's not! Haha — Y'all can thank Kevin for this extra-hard lesson that we'll be having today. Nope, quit your groaning and complaining and pay attention, Students!
(I don't really know how long this whole "series" will end up being, but I've already started planning a sequel. Save me from myself -- Send help!)
Okay, so today's lesson was originally going to be about cheese; but I'll save that for another day. Today, we'll be talking about the history of narwhals! Oh, that sounds easy to you, does it, Kevin? Well, maybe you'd like to enlighten us with your knowledge. Get up here, Kevin. Nope, no objections — Get up here, or I'll fail you for the entire year! Good, my class doesn't seem so easy now, does it? Hmm?
(Raise your hand, if you think I'd be a good University professor. *Cricket, cricket* Sigh -- That's what I thought.)
I'll sit right here, and you can teach the class. How about that? No? Too bad. Class, I think Kevin needs a little encouragement. Chant with me now, Class!
Kevin!
Kevin!
Kevin!
Kevin, get back up here, or I'll call your little sister! — Fine, be that way. I'll teach today... About narwhals!
Narwhals are an extremely majestical creature. They're kind of like... Well, a unicorn crossed with a whale. Yes, very majestical, indeed. Funny story : My dad thought narwhals were a made-up creature, until I showed him a picture from Google.
(It's horrible but true; those poor, "fake" narwhals.)
Anyway, narwhals are most definitely a real creature. Why am I looking at you, Kevin? — Because I can; now sit down, Boy! Narwhals : Where do they live? I'm pretty sure they live in the Arctic Ocean, but you can most likely find them on Jupiter as well.
What? Jupiter isn't a place where animals can live? Pfft, well, how would you know, Kevin? Have you ever been to Jupiter? What — Did you seriously ask me if I've ever been to Jupiter? Well, I mean — No, never mind — Kevin, we will be discussing this after class, okay?
(Ooooh, Kevin's in trouble -- Oh wait -- I'm the teacher. Be professional, Kim Kim. Just be professional.)
Ahem, back to narwhals — What do they eat? Narwhals eat lots of things, including shrimp, crab, flounder — Lots of fish and seafood, basically. Fish tastes great, so I mean, that's totally understandable. Anyone who doesn't like fish can leave my class right now. No — I wasn't being serious — Kevin, get back here!
(Seriously though, does anyone not like fish? I'm excluding vegetarians and vegans, since I know you don't eat fish. That's totally okay though -- You do you!)
Kevin! — Uhh, okay — Thanks for coming back. Sit down, so we can continue with class. Narwhals are known for the long "horn" that protrudes from their face. That long "horn" is actually an overgrown tooth that pierces through their bottom lip. Think about that for a minute — Their tooth stabs through their lip. You think that hurts? Uhh, yeah, I would think so. The other part about that "horn" is only male narwhals have one, like most horned animals — Think deer or another animal with antlers or horns.
(I feel like I've taken education to a whole new level... Of weirdness. Stay in school, kids; don't end up like me.)
Alright, Kevin, do you still think my class is easy? Hmmm? Yes? Oh, okay... Well, I'm still talking to you after class. Anyway, I think... Yep, we're done here today. Technically, we still have five more minutes together; but, pfft, who cares? I don't care; that's for certain. Anyway, I'll see you next time, Class!
(Whoooo, early recess! Wait -- University students don't really have recess, do they? *Sobs*)
NOTE to all the Kevins // This is nothing personal against you, bro. So, don't worry. Also, don't interrupt your teachers and please, for the sake of my humanity, don't stash cheese away in your desk. We'll have another future lesson about this, you can be sure.
YOU ARE READING
Kimmi's University
Conto~ A story of unicorns and utter nonsense ~ Welcome, students, to Kimmi's University! This is basically going to be a bunch of silly, nonsensical stories that I've written about school. I hope you'll enjoy this, even though it'll be... An interesting...
