𝐇𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐋.𝐒

Episode 1.4 ✔️

They found a room that no one seemed to make great use of and which was empty except for a few stored things. Harry was a little queasy being here all alone with Louis. If he screwed this up now... he couldn't help thinking about Niall and Liam and how drained they were because of them. This had to end. At least that, so they could get on with their other problems.

"I'm sorry for what I threw at you the other day on the bus," Harry started, stepped up to a dusty table and sat on the edge. Louis continued to stand by the door, his arms crossed in front of his chest. He was really angry with Harry and that hadn't happened too often before. All the more reason for Harry to feel bad. "I didn't mean to say that. It just came over me and I apologize."

"Okay.

"What does okay mean? It means you forgive me or that you heard.

"Is there anything else you want to tell me?", Louis drove in aggressively, deliberately provoking Harry to get him off his guard. But Harry wouldn't go along with that. He wanted to settle this like two civilized people. "There's so much I'd like to say, but I don't think I can do it without this turning into a big drama." That only led to one of them crying in the end, and that was most likely himself. He didn't need that now. "I talked to Niall and Liam and... they're both on our case because... because we don't get along and I'm sure Zayn doesn't want to do it anymore. Things are just getting out of hand with us, and I... I wanted the guys to at least not have to worry about us anymore. I know I'm the one who's been putting off for so long, but..." A little helplessly Harry shrugged his shoulders. While he had been talking, he hadn't let Louis out of his sight. He didn't seem too taken with his words. But after a moment he at least loosened his arms, pushed his hands into his trouser pockets. Louis ran his tongue over his lips, stared at his shoes. "I wanted to talk to you much earlier," he said and looked up at Harry's face. He flinched inside at the sight. Louis looked rather pale around the tip of his nose and that hurt, dejected look he was giving him now... "But you've been so incredibly upset these past few months. I just thought you needed more time. But you still gave me that look I knew you'd never forgive me. "Not one bit--"

"Because I didn't understand. Still don't understand!" Harry almost slipped off the table and headed for Louis, but at the last moment he managed to slow down. "From one day to the next, you just broke up with me because you didn't want to anymore."

"It wasn't quite that simple. I didn't get up and thought that today was a good day to break up with you," Louis defended himself, frown lines on his forehead.

"That's what it felt like." Harry's eyes flashed briefly and he hurried to look elsewhere. He wouldn't start crying here now. He certainly wouldn't. He was grown up enough to get through this without tears. "You never explained it to me," he continued more calmly, interlocking his fingers.

"Because you wouldn't let me."

Harry nodded his head as he thought about it. I guess he did. From the day Louis had left him, he had blocked any conversation. "Why didn't you talk to me first? We could have worked it out together."

Louis didn't know how to answer that for a long time. He sat down on the floor, put his legs up and just looked at Harry at a loss. "I don't know. "I really don't know. "But somehow it never seemed like an option. "I was a total idiot, I realize that now. "Things might have been different if I'd have talked to you about it."

Harry was sure of that, but when he remembered why he wanted to talk to Louis in the first place, he put their broken relationship aside. That wasn't the point now, even though it was hard to break up and it really hurt him that Louis had never thought of sharing his problems with him. He had always thought that they could tell each other anything. "I want everything to be okay between us, too. As okay as it can be. I just don't want to be the cause of everyone's concern. "It's hard enough right now, we don't have to make it harder for everyone else."