𝐇𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐋.𝐒

Episode 1.9 ✔️

After everyone had left, Harry and Louis went up to his room where Harry immediately crumbled into bed. He was really not well, he wanted his mother and sister back. Louis sat on the edge of the bed and stroked his back. It may be that Harry had just done quite well, but now he really only felt like crying. "Can I leave you alone for a moment? I'll be quick, okay?" Harry just nodded, sighed as he felt Louis' hand in his hair. He heard Louis walk across the room and open the door. Actually, Harry would have preferred Louis to stay with him. He pulled the blanket over his head and curled himself up. There should be a law against seeing your parents for so long. It was unhealthy for the psyche, after all. Now they would all be in a bad mood for days on end. Except maybe Liam, because Sophia stayed with him a bit longer. But the rest of them would have a hard time with it, even if they all tried to hide it. All except Harry.

Harry hadn't moved an inch until Louis came back. He crouched under the blanket, staring at the mattress. He felt miserable, as if something inside was gnawing at his guts and pressing painfully on his heart. "I'm back."

Little interested, Harry raised his head and looked to the door where Louis stood with a tray in his hand and smiled broadly at him. "I brought you something."

"I'm not hungry."

"Come on." Louis sat back down with the tray in his lap and took one of the bowls down, handed it to Harry. "It's your favorite. I got it for you. Harry glanced skeptically at the ice cream, then shook his head and fell back on the mattress. "I don't want it," he murmured into the pillow, wrapped his arms firmly around the fabric.

"But... you love vanilla!"

Harry muttered something incomprehensible and got goose bumps the next moment when he felt Louis' breath on his neck. "I know you want it. Just a spoon. For me? I don't want to get fat alone." Harry didn't have to look at Louis to know he was smiling. "You and fat, don't make me laugh."

"I'd rather you laugh. It suits you much better than that sad face. I know you miss home, but it's not for that long, and then the tour is over."

"In over four months! That's ages away."

Louis sighed, then a brief clatter of dishes, and finally he crawled up to Harry, wrapped his arms around him. "But eternities you spend with your best friends, who are your surrogate family, as long as your other family isn't there," he said seriously, his hands locked on Harry's chest. "We'll take care of you and look after you." Louis also put his leg over Harry so that he could not move at all and laid his head on Harry's shoulder. He didn't know whether to be grateful or not. That was a little too much closeness all at once. His heart almost overturned, it started beating so wildly. But he didn't do anything to put distance between them either. Just because it felt pretty good. "I know you do," mumbled Harry, trying to relax in Louis' arms. Maybe he should have taken the ice cream after all, then Louis wouldn't have attacked him like that. "Lou?"

"Yes, Hazza?"

"I can't breathe."

"Oh." Immediately, Louis' grip loosened a little, but not enough to leave much more space between them. He sighed slightly. Even though they had been seeking physical contact more often recently, they had never been this close before, and it was only when they were lying there, and Harry felt Louis' warm body against his, that he realized how much he had missed it. Very carefully he finally turned around in his arms, looked Louis in the eyes. They were so close together that he could have counted Louis' lashes if he had been able to. But all Harry could do at that moment was swallow the thick lump in his throat. Louis loosened his arms around him and instead drove Harry with his hand over his cheek and through his hair. His bright blue eyes pierced him, making Harry swallow again. Did they just go too far here? "Lou," Harry whispered, turning to him a little bit more. He was looked at questioningly, the caressing stopped and Louis' hand lay calmly in his neck. For an unbelievably long heartbeat, they just looked into each other's eyes. Harry did not know how to react. He would have preferred it if Louis had taken the initiative. But he didn't. He just lay there quietly, waiting for Harry to react. He wasn't sure if he was ready. "C-can you close your eyes?" he asked him softly, just couldn't take Louis' eyes anymore. Agonizingly long seconds passed again, then Louis closed his eyes and Harry felt a certain relief. Silently he looked Louis in the face, raised a hand hesitantly and stroked Louis' skin. He flinched briefly, but said nothing and did not let go of him.