Depression Is Only One Word//Hyunjin X Reader

Chapter 9

so I'm about 3 months along and as you could imagine I'm having trouble hiding the bump. I wear sweat pants and giant shirts. but I'm also thinking a lot about what Chan said 2 months ago. the longer this child is in my stomach the more I fall in love with them

normally at this point, someone would want to see the gender of the child. but I want it to remain a mystery!

today was a pretty basic day. Mia was at school and I was cleaning the house while she was gone. she found out about me being pregnant about a week after I did. she doesn't know how I got pregnant. 

I just finished vacuuming when I heard the door open. I looked at the time and figured it was Mia since it was about the time she came home. but soon the voice I heard made me panic 

"Y/nnnnn~"

that boy has found out how to abuse his power of a spare key. I facepalm as I realize I should've dressed better to hide my pregnancy. but I didn't. I was wearing a flowy dress cause they are the most comfortable thing for us pregnant women to wear.

I feel him wrap his arms around me which I've been telling him not to ever since my bump started forming. I started to panic!

what does one do in this situation???

"Y/n's getting a tummy" he teased and I hit his arm before moving out of his grasps. I move to put the vacuum up with him close behind "why do you suddenly have a stomach?" he asked and I shrugged "cause I don't get out much anymore since I started getting paid for being emotionally unstable" I said and he laughed "why?" he asked

"cause Chan said it would be easier for me to get paid when staying home and since I was kidnapped for all those years they counted me as good enough," I said with a laugh

"Why don't we become work out buddy's??" he asked with a big smile. I shook my head wrapping up the cord on the vacuum "or would you rather be my girlfriend?" he asked and I froze in place.

He cant date he's an idol. and he wouldn't want me if he found out I'm pregnant with the child of the man who raped me. but the look in his eyes was throwing me off, his eyes were so kind and accepting I wanted to say yes so bad, but.

"I can't" is the only thing that cam out of my mouth and the look on his face looked so hurt "but I thought you loved me like I loved you?" he asked mostly to himself but I answered anyway "I do. it's just I can't be with you. you're an idol, there's got to be rules against this" I explained finally taking my hands off the vacuum but still trying to keep my stomach out of his line of sight

"that ban was lifted after Jeongin showed he could take care of Mia and being an idol" I froze and turned around, looking him straight in the eye and soon regretting it

"since when did they start dating?!? he's like 4 years older than her!!"

I wasn't shocked that they got together, I knew that was coming, anyone could see how much they love each other just from being around them for 2 minutes.

but Hyunjin didn't reply, he just stood there with wide eyes "Y/n, are you pregnant?" he asked and I started to panic and shook my head "no, just fat!" I exclaim before I turn around with a pout. 

I heard his footsteps getting closer from behind and a little part o me knew he was mad but didn't want to address it.

"Why do you keep lying to me?!?" he exclaimed. I was shocked that he was this mad about it. "you've been lying to me for weeks! when I asked you what happened with your boss, you lied to me. and so many more times, and then again right now. you lied to me again!" he said and he was madder then I've ever seen him before.

"I'm going to ask you again and this time I want the truth," he said calming down. "are you pregnant Y/n?" what do you expect me to say? I looked him in the eyes before I spoke "No" and I stood my ground hoping or the first time since we met he wouldn't see through my mask

"fine! just continue to lie to me" he said and next thing I know he walked out the door claiming "come find me when you're ready to tell me the truth!" then shut the door.

I never hated myself more than at that moment.

later when Mia got home she was wondering why I was crying... again. I told her what happened as she rubbed my back, recently, I've felt like she's been more of a parent to me then I am to her. 

"you've got to tell him the truth, he's obviously really upset about it" she was right, as much as I'd hate to admit it. I love Hyunjin so much and if I ever lost him for such a stupid reason as this I could never forgive myself.

I wiped away my tears as I agreed that I would tell him tomorrow, I will go down to the agency and risk seeing that criminal, just to tell Hyunjin how sorry I am and to tell him just how much I love him, then again that last part might take a while

that night I didn't sleep that well, doubts filling my mind, like what if he doesn't forgive me? what if he discards me after he finds out what actually happened? what if I run into the person I want to see the least?

what if he hurts me again? 

what if it ends up being worse then the last time?

I let these thoughts fly around for a bit before I finally fell asleep.