Jail Birds

A Terrible, Loving, Shitty Mother

**Dylans POV

**Talk about drug abuse, physical abuse, and thoughts of suicide. Stay safe our there guys!**

I stride into The echoey hall, excited to talk with Zero. My steps make a noise so familiar to my ears, it feel like dé jà vu.

"Hey hey!" I greet.

"Yo." Zero replies.

I get to his cell and I looks like he's been smacked in the face with a baseball bat.

"Is everything alright?" I ask him.

"Yes- well no- but yes- kinda- " he stutters. "If we're being honest, I'm really not okay." He sighs.

I'm taken aback by his answer. "Well, what's wrong?" I ask.

"I- I had a dream last night about my mom."

"You have a mom-" I stop myself from embarrassing me further. "I meant- what was your dream about?" I correct myself.

He lets out a laugh. "Yes you dimwit. I do have a mom" he pauses "I was taken away from her."

The laughable moment seems to evaporate and a more serious topic seems to rain down in its place.

"What happened?"

"Well-" he chokes up. "When my dad died, it seemed that she died too, she started on drugs and was on the streets and I was starved. She lost all of our money and her only income was going home with strangers" His voice breaks on every other word and he wipes his eyes with his sleeve. "I remember Amara dying and my mom didn't do anything-" a few tears shine through but he quickly puts them on the palm of his hand.

I stand and watch. A mannequin in front of the watering teen. Is it shock? Instincts maybe? What ever it is, I hate it. I want to helps him, I want to tell him everything is going to be alright. Tell him that he's going to make it.

"But she loved me. She would protect me from anyone and anything. I loved her, even though she was a terrible person" he pauses. "I was only eleven." He sobs.  "I needed her. I needed her after dad died. I needed a parent."

He pauses for a long time. It seems like Im standing there for hours.

"Then she went to jail and I went to Mimi's house. Her and her wife. They took care of me. I finally felt at home. They would drive me to school and make me breakfast. Fuck, they would even help me with my homework. They loved me like my dad did. Like my mom did. I was finnaly part of a family for once. They taught me that it was okay to think of boys how some boys think of girls. They taught me all about sexualities and genders and what they all mean. I am so thankful for those two. So thankful. But they were old. And I think it was me who finally put them under. I was too much stress for them."

His eyes redden again.

My feet ache.

"After that, it was foster home after foster home. It's like the world was out to get me after my Mimi's died. I had to find a way to get out my anger. Out my stress. So at age fifteen,  I beat up my first kid. Blow after blow. My dad taught me how to punch. How to block and got to get away. I've been practicing on bags of rice hung up in the garage." He sighs. "That kid wasn't my last. I got a group of 'friends' that swarmed around me. Kids that were so scared of me they through they would be protected. Finnaly, I get to the corner store and beat it down." He finishes. His tears are all dried up but it seems he's still holding some back.

"But that was a few years ago. I did some other stuff too, but it's really not too important. I don't have that much anger in me any more. I've taken it out on all the bags here." He forcefully laughs.

The conversation seems to end there. I can't add anything, I'm still stuck to the ground. Shock takes me as I take in every word for a second take. My brain is working every bolt of electricity on his words. Tearing apart every detail and every thing that he didn't mention. Inspecting every noun and adjective.

"Oh." I choke out.

"Yea."

I can't find anything to say. I don't know if he wants comfort or if he wants a joke or what. I've never been faced with this. Nobody has ever wanted to put their porblems on me. And honestly, it feels great. It finnaly feels like someone trusts me. But Zero isn't just someone. He's my someone.

-.-

I bike down my street and I see a glistening black truck in the driveway. My stomach drops to the rubber stained asphalt. I want to bike away. I want to bolt out of the country.

"I'm home." I announce.

"Hey Dylan." Karen says from the couch, titanic playing in the background.

"Where's dad?" I ask, shaking off my jacket.

"He's in the backyard fixing the gutters. I don't believe that he's had a drink yet, so he should be in a good mood." She puts her attention back to the romantic show. I cringe at the idea of romanticizing a girl.

The back door swings open to reveal my dad rubbing his hands together in an attempt to warm them.

"Oh, hey Dylan. How was school?"  He asks in a cheery tone.

"It was alright. Same old, same old."

"Good. Any tests coming up?"

"Yes. I believe I have one in chemistry Friday." I reply. My dad and I haven't talked like this in a long time. It's refeshing.

"When's break?"

"I think it's in a week or so. I'm excited"

"Well that's good, do you mind getting me a drink?"

"Yea. Of course." My voice drops in disappointment. My dad goes up to Karen and kisses her forehead. A conversation between the two of them takes place and I turn my back and go to the kitchen.

-.-

I lay in bed and I hear screaming downstairs. It seems that dad has gotten into the vodka. A huge smack echos through the house, followed by another one. I curl up into a ball and wish for another family. For the millionth time today, Zero makes his way to my mind. He was probably thinking the same thing when he was younger. Probably crying himself to sleep, wanting another mom. Praying for a different life.

I wish I said more. I wish I comforted him. Am I that much of a terrible person that I can't even help a friend? Why does he care about me so much? There's no point. I really just make him worry. I'm just a problem. Just like my dad says. I'm nothing to this place. I'm a waste of space. My dad is right.

I should probably just go take a dive off a roof.