I Hate That I Love My Bestfriend

Chapter 5

Blake's POV

Three fucking hell days. Yeah, hell as in like it was the worse 3 days of my life. I'm so freaking frustrated about myself, I don't know what to do! I plan on talking to her sometime, I gave her some space because I know girls are like that, they need space for them to think. But I think I need too, because I didn't even know what came to me when I did that. But when I had those three days, it's been so hard for me. I always see her with puffy red eyes knowing she's been crying a lot lately and I know that I'm the one who caused that pain. That pain she has that I can feel because it also hurt me to see her like that. I need to pretend to be happy with my friends so that they can't be suspicious about me having problems with my bestfriend because honestly, even myself don't know what's happening with me. I know I sounded like a total asshole here but I know I can't deal with my friends to talk about it.

So here I am laughing with them, pretending that everything was fine but in all honesty my life was fucked up and don't know how to fix it. Freaking great, right?

"Dude, you need to see those boob!" said Jake while laughing out loud and imagining some girl's boob that I don't know who because I'm not paying attention at them. I can feel Sophie's gaze landing on me but I refused to look at her because I know when I did that, I can't help myself but just go for her and touch her. I can't do that because right now I still don't know what are my feelings for her on why did I do that, bestfriends don't do like that with each other, right? I'm so confused on why did I do that to her. So fucking idiot, Blake. Even your own feelings can't even know.

Out of no where I saw Ashley walking towards our table and she kissed me, wait! What?! She kissed me!

I just stared at her shocked, I can't even move and I don't know why! My eyes instantly looked for some brown eyes that I loved to look at and sure there she is looking at us with hurt and betrayed expression on her face. Before I can pulled back from Ashley, she instantly stood up and ran leaving the cafeteria. And my mind went back to what's really happening. I gripped Ashley's shoulder while removing my lips from her.

"What the fucking hell was that, Ashley?!" I yelled at her but she just smirked, why in the world is she smirking?! Is she out of her mind?! I know every pair of eyes in the cafeteria are now looking at our stupid scene, but I don't care! I don't fucking care about them, I just want to deal with this slut who don't have fucking business to deal with.

"Oh Blake, I know you're not in good terms with your bestfriend, isn't? And what a great time for me to kiss you when she's looking at you, right?" she asked bitchily with her ridiculous sweet voice she's trying and still she has that stupid smirk in her face.

"Can you tell me what in the freaking world your problem is?! No! Don't tell me those shit, I don't care about your stupid issues you have in your life. Just tell me why did you do that?!" Every word I spoke, I know my voice is rising, if that even possible when I'm already yelling at her. Seriously, what's the problem of this stupid girl?! If my mom didn't taught me not to hurt girls, I already punch this girl straight in her perfect fake nose.

"Oh my gosh, Blake. Are you seriously that dense?! Can't you see? You're bestfriend is in love with you. And you don't love her back the way she loves you right? Then here I am, willing to love you the way you want to be loved. Oh, and I also have one more reason why I did that, duh, of course for her to see that you don't love her. Oh, and you owed me one there Blake, I did that for you so that you don't have to tell her because it will seriously break her heart, and you don't want that to happen, right?"

She said those words like it was the obvious thing in the world. I just stared at her in shocked on how stupid her speech was. What in the fucking hell is she saying?! She didn't know anything about me and Sophie.

"Do you hear what the freaking hell are you saying, Ashley?! Are you out of your mind?! You don't know any- No, why do I need to explain myself to you?! Just back off, Ashley! Mind your own damn business and stay away from us! And don't you dare do anything with Sophie!"

I'm not angry, I'm furious. I can feel my hands are now balled into fists. Before she can answer I stormed out of the cafeteria and head at the parking lot, I got inside and drove not caring my speed limit, I did that for until who knows what minute or maybe hours, I just found myself outside of my car seating at the head of my car just thinking of what had just happened, of what had Ashley just said.

Sophie love me? And I don't love her back? Don't I? No, maybe Ashley just thought that Sophie love me in different way but the truth is, she just loved me the way she would to her bestfriend, right?

But when I tried to puzzle all the pieces of what had just happened between me and Sophie...

The new Sophie I had,

The jealous bestfriend I had when I'm with other girls.

The sarcastic bestfriend I had, why? Because she hates the world now, because she knows that the guy she love don't lover her back and it just happened to be her own bestfriend.

The Sophie who lately spaced out because.. I don't know? Thinking about us? Her love for me?

The Sophie who always got irritated with some little things.

The Sophie who doesn't give a shit to anyone right now. Why, again? Because she doesn't care anymore with the things that revolves around her, she just thinks that the guy her love won't ever be hers and will not love her back.

Great, mother freaking great, I have all those answer! Why? Why am I that stupid not to noticed that she loves me way back then? And why am I that so stupid that I also loved her? Maybe because I'm contented she's with me and I know that no one will attempt to try to chase her because I just threatened all the boys in our school that when they just try something with Sophie I will kick their asses and wish they didn't do that. But still, everything's fucked up now.

Sophie loves me.  

And I love her.

But I don't know what to do now. Seriously, Blake?! You don't know what to do?! What are you, 5? Who doesn't know how to deal with girls?!

No, this is different. My bestfriend loves me and I also love her but so stupid to just know it right now. When things are so fucked up. When she thinks I'm a pervert who got advantage of her while she's taking a bath, when she thinks I betrayed her by kissing Ashley. When she thinks I don't love her the way she loves me.

No, I will fix this mess I made. I will explain to her all the things that I need to say. I will beg for her forgiveness for all the shit that I made to her. If I need to kneel down in front of her, I'll not hesitate to do that. I will do anything just to gain her trust again and to win her back, the girl that I love.