MY OBSESSION | P.J.M

26.

Y/n

[Just a piece of metal]

I hugged him and noticed how his scent was different today, it still smelled like him, just different from what he usually smells like. It's like he has changed. I hugged him tighter, thinking that my hug would fix his smell. The warmth was soon gone when he broke the hug. I felt futile standing in front of him, despite being his girlfriend, despite being the love of his life. My eyes moved like a child's ones; the way a child's eyes would move to seek their parent's approval and validation. It wasn't until my eyes shifted from his face to his neck that I discerned what was off.

"Oh, where's your necklace?" The absence of the shiny jewelry was noticeable. I laughed finding it odd that he didn't have it on when he came home from work, especially when he always carries it around his neck like it was second nature.

He instinctively touched his neck, something flashed before his eyes before he decided to laugh with me. Or at me. I don't really know. Maybe he was just nervous or tired? "I must've lost it." He replied with a monotonous voice.

He took his shoes off before kissing my forehead. "It's just a piece of metal anyway. So it doesn't matter right?"

A soft bubble develops in my chest, threatening to burst in a form of tears. I said no to that, I guess it never matter. I guess it was just a piece of metal.

I grabbed onto my own neck where the necklace was long gone. It felt soft and smooth nonetheless, but the memory of the jewelry will always be buried in my skin, right where it once used to be. Right where it used to belong.

I was breathing rather heavily as I was frantically looking around. I was surrounded by tall trees, high grass and massive bushes, making it harder for me to find a way to leave this forest. At least the sun was still visible in the sky. If it was night time I would most likely trip on a stone and fall to my own death, considering how easy it was for me to be clumsy.

"Taetae." I pouted in the slightest, almost unnoticeable. "I don't like this..."

"Why?"

"It feels like you only like me when we're distanced. I can't. I mean- I need you close."

Can't he hear my heavy heart as I speak to him?

I looked at us in the mirror, but I can't figure out if he sees us or just his own beautiful reflection. His hands were wrapped around my body and his head rested on my shoulder. He said that we're fine like this. But I know deep down, even if I refuse to believe it, when he looks at me that I'm not what he wants anymore.

I spun around and embraced him as he did the same. I wanted to scream at him to say that he loves me. To tell me that he's in love with me like he used to. I wanted to tear our place up while asking him why he can't love me now. But I won't so he won't feel bad. Even if it hurts and my heart is scaring because of it. I live in this constant pain because I can't layout  the possibility that I'm at the end of the road. I'm afraid that I will lose this if I dear to question it aloud. I looked at him and missed him even though he was right there. I spent every minute this day missing him, just for a stranger to come back into my arms.

"You're so cute when you look at me like that." Are my painful eyes cute to you? They want to cry at the thought of you. I hate that I have to hug you for you to hug me. If I were you, I  would hug me without a word. You used to feel my aches and listen to the pain when I couldn't speak. Now you don't even bat an eye, even though I think it's blatantly obvious.

I want my love to resemble the flowers of spring that will flow and spread inside of you.  Just to bloom beautiful petals shaped like hearts. God dammit I want it to bewitch you.

Everything you do comes to me like memories of the past. So I ask myself, is this the end? But the sweet Melody is blocking me from hearing the truth. Even if the truth is louder than the song. I will walk this earth blindly in fear that I will one day see you next to someone who isn't me.

I wonder if it's my fault. Where did I go wrong? I must be missing something.

Even if a day comes where you're not with me, the loneliness will be the traces of you. Like the ashes from fire, that will be all there's left of you. Nothing less, nothing more.

It felt like I was being torn from the inside, as if my heart exploded and collapsed at the same time. It hurt to cry but it was so damn nice at the same time that I didn't want to quit. I bolted through the thick and thin trees, even though I had no idea where I would go.

Any sane person will tell you that Jimin is sick. Anyone could tell that he's dangerous for himself and the people around him. Even though the stars won't forgive what he has done, I wish he didn't have to suffer. He hurt me for sure, I can't deny that. But it was his attempt at making things better.

Despite my running being short lived due to my average condition, it felt liberating. The sunshine broke through the branches that are reaching out to escape like me.

I best be moving at all times as he could be running after me. That boy has the body of an athlete, and I'm not even going to get started on the type of body I have. I might be young but my fitness begs to differ.

"God, so fucking useless." I complain to myself. "I haven't done this much cardio since high school jeez." I bent down and rested my hands on my knees to recollect myself for a second. Afterwards I looked down only to see a  precipice. "Of course I ran the worst place possible." I prayed that I wouldn't spend the night in the woods and that wouldn't circle around. Or worse that I would see Jimin.

I wanted to find my way back to freedom so I could be happy again.

With a heavy sigh I reminded myself that eventually a day to smile will come.

~D

Never have I ever struggled writing a chapter as much as I have struggled to write this chapter 😡 I don't want the plot to go a certain way so I'm trying to write it to my liking but it's hard lol :(.

I've erased, rewritten, erased, rewritten so many times that I almost lost my brain but I'm satisfied now. I hope you like it! <3.