Mare's Nests

Summer, at the end of my first year in college

I swung my feet back and forth, no thoughts were entering my mind and I was just staring at the vast ocean in front of me.

I let out a deep sigh, this past month I found myself in a relationship with a batch mate in the ROTC class. We've been in a relationship for only a month but I have no idea why the psychological damage was so enormous. I sighed once more before my phone vibrated inside my pocket. I snatched it up and saw that Isla was calling.

"Hey"

"Hey what's up?"

"I heard what happened you alright?"

"I.."

I sniffled a sob and before I realize it I was already crying through the phone.

"What the hell? Hey stop crying, did you really love him that much?"

I wiped my tears before looking up at the blue azure sky. Love? Did I? I mean it hurts but I don't think it's love, because if it is then I'll miss him right? But the thing is I don't.. It just hurts but I don't exactly miss him.

"I don't know"

What is this feeling called again? Why can I not put it into words?