Welcome back Readers for yet another An0n Rant!!!!! Don't worry folks, this one will not be as disturbing as the last one...
...
...I think.
Anywho! This was inspired by a game I play with my siblings, and a chapter in @Bluebunny2017 's book, 'the one where America rents an RV' where Germany goes on a huge rant about stuff. At one point it went over fairytails, and I did a mini rant in the comments. Sorry 'bout that!! Eeheeheh...
Anyways, here goes!
Hansel and Gretal
We all know the timeless fairytale of the two children who are sent into the woods by their evil mother figure during a time of famine. Although they make it back the first time, they are sent out again, and they get lost. Eventually they by chance come upon a cottage in the woods made of sweets and candies. They eat parts of the house and an old lady comes out and tricks them inside. The lady, who just so happens to be a witch, locks up Hansel and forces Gretal to do Manual labor. She tries to fatten up Hansel to eat him, but he is a clever boi and makes her feel a chicken bone instead of his finger when she comes to check his thiccness. Eventually the witch is like, 'Aw screw it, Imma just gonna eat 'em now'. Gretal is like, 'IMMA 'BOUT TO RUIN THIS WITCH'S WHOLE CAREER' and naturally stuffs her into the oven. The children proceed to steal the jewels which are conveniently in the house and not locked up somewhere, and according to one of the original versions, the children gets back home by crossing a lake on the back of a swan, where they discover their evil mother figure is dead, and happily ever after and all that crap.
I tried not to show my sarcasm, but it leaked through by the end. Eh.
Let's get down to business.
1. I find it mildly disturbing how the father just kinda lets his wife try to kill the kids. He just sorta. Steps back. I mean, bad parenting 101 is definitely going to be sacrificing your (probably) innocent children for the happiness of your questionable wife.
Can we give this man a round of applause for his selfless actions?
*sarcastically claps*
2. Property damage. I'm going to overlook the fact that Hansel and Gretal (I'll call 'em H&G for the sake of my lazy butt) just accept the fact that they happened upon a HOUSE made of CANDY.
WHY ARE THEY NOT PANICKING OR AT LEAST QUESTIONING THIS?!?
OKAY, I GET THAT THEY WERE STARVING AND ALL, BUT HAD IT OCCURED TO THEM THAT THEY MIGHT BE SEEING A MIRAGE OR HALLUCINATING???
Why of WHY is their FIRST RESPONSE to IMMEDIATELY friggin' EAT the house?!?!?
WHAT THE ACTUAL FLAMING SKY-RATS IS THIS MADNESS.
EVER HEARD OF DON'T ACCEPT CANDY FROM STRANGERS?!?
AND IF I HEARD A CREEPY OLD LADY VOICE ASKING ME IN WEIRD RHYMES WHO WAS EATING HER HOUSE, I WOULD'VE NOPED OUT OF THERE FASTER THAN ARI DID IN SCHOOL OF SECRETS.
3. Trespassing. Okay, so the witch had a LITTLE justification in what she did. I'm not at ALL saying it's okay, but she had a reason, unlike many fairytale villains who just decide to be sky-rat buttholes for no reason. The kids were EATING her gosh diddly darned HOUSE for crying out loud!!!
If I woke up one day to see a couple o' 8 year olds earing my saccharine house that I spent who knows HOW much magic and time on, I would FIRST question their sanity, and SECONDLY be very pissed.
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FanfictionNo thanks, I don't want to write a description. Ugh. FINE THIS IS A BOOK FILLED WITH AMAZING FAN-ART FROM OTHER PEOPLE, RANDOM AN0N RANTS, ASK OR DARES, SONG-SHOTS, ONE-SHOTS, MY OWN ART, AND RANDOM OTHER STUFF I JUST FEEL LIKE WRITING DOWN.
