Unarmed

Chapter 36

Lucas' POV

I walk into the therapist's office. I don't know what I was expecting but it's actually really nice.

The space is super modern with glass windows facing the street. There's two couches in the waiting area as well as coffee, tea and a couple snacks.

I approach the desk to check in.

"Mr. Stevenson?" the secretary asks, looking up at me.

"Yeah," I say. She checks me in then I take a seat on one of the couches.

Less than a minute later, Dr. Miller comes out to greet me. He looks exactly like his picture.

"Lucas Stevenson?" he asks as I stand up.

"Yeah, that's me."

"I'm Dr. Miller." He says, sticking his hand out. "I have my clients just call me Uriah though."

I shake his hand. "Nice to meet you Dr... Uh, Uriah."

He smiles. "Take some getting used to, I know. But usually by the end of our first session, I've tried my best to establish that we can be casual. Follow me, will you?"

I follow Dr. Miller down a hall that ends in a pretty open office. There's large windows on one side, a couch and an armchair. Next to the couch, there's also a side table with tissues, a couple different fidget spinners  and one of those little sand boxes with a tiny hand rake. I sit down on the couch and Dr. Miller sits in the armchair.

"First I want to say thank you for coming in Lucas. A vast majority of my clients come here because a psychiatrist has told them to come or it's court ordered. It's not every day that someone recognizes a need within themselves to get therapy."

"Thanks," I say. "It was actually kind of my girlfriend... well, ex..." My voice trails off as I don't really know what to label my relationship with Chantelle as. "This girl I know kind of gave me the idea."

Dr. Miller nods. I notice he doesn't have a notebook or a pen and paper in hand or anything. It's just him, sitting in a chair and his body language is totally open. A start to relax a bit as I don't feel like I'm talking to a shrink.

"Should I just start from the beginning."

The doctor gives me a small smile. "We can start wherever you're comfortable Lucas."

I decide to start with the shooting. Because that was really where this all started. I talk Dr. Miller through the events of that night from start to finish. I then share about the court case and being acquitted. I haven't even gotten to Chantelle yet.

"That's a lot you've had on your plate," Dr. Miller says when I'm done. "What are your feelings about what happened?"

"I mean, I did what I was trained to do. There was a physical threat and per my training, I shot at the victim. But I just... that has never sat right with me. I regret it every day. Every single day since it happened, I've thought about it."

Dr. Miller nods. "And is that productive? Do you find reliving that event over and over again to be productive?"

"No, not at all. In fact, the more I think about it, the more paralyzed I can become."

"I see. Well let me start off by saying thank you for sharing that with me. I know that was heavy. Let me also say that what happened, happened. I always let my clients know that we cannot change the past. It's unfortunate but that's a fact of life. My goal is to help you work through those feelings but also develop strategies for the times that those feelings do resurface.