Chapter Fifteen

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I wish I could say that my defining characteristic is that I'm so beautiful that I was scouted at an airport when I was fourteen to model in Milan, or that I'm so charitable that I spend my weekends making sandwiches and handing them out to the ho...

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I wish I could say that my defining characteristic is that I'm so beautiful that I was scouted at an airport when I was fourteen to model in Milan, or that I'm so charitable that I spend my weekends making sandwiches and handing them out to the homeless. I'm neither of those things, but what I am is early, all the time, for everything.

Doctor's appointments? I'm in one of the plasticky, cushiony chairs thirty minutes before I'm called.

Lectures? My laptop is opened to a fresh Word document fifteen minutes before the professor opens her mouth.

Family functions? Only five minutes before the start time, because the less small talk I can get away with, the better.

The irony isn't lost on me, then, that the one time I really, really want to get somewhere early, I'm late.

It wasn't even that I was late, it was just that the bus came early. By two minutes, to be exact.

With my bus tracking app open on the phone I was carrying in my hand, I knew that my speed walk was cutting it close, but I expected to make it on time. When I saw the bus whoosh by the empty stop one hundred feet in front of me, I pretty much just stopped walking. I had fourteen minutes and forty-eight seconds until the next bus came and was only a minute away from the stop - what was the rush?

As annoying as it was to sit on that small uncomfortable bench, it was probably a blessing in disguise, actually. Those fifteen or so minutes seemed like the first time in the past few weeks that I was able to slow down. Until that moment, my life had been a stressful series of deadlines and due dates. It was the second day in December and my grad school applications were due in three days. I worked tirelessly, writing and rewriting and re-rewriting my personal statements until the first draft and final draft shared only three words in common. My email stayed open on my laptop as I refreshed constantly to see if my professors submitted my reference letters. After a few reminder emails, they were all in. Just as I was about to submit my applications, I had a mini freak out that lasted for five minutes. Were these the right schools for me to apply to? Should I have applied to more? Should I have even applied at all?

Forget it.

I told that little voice to shut the hell up and pressed submit. Done. Done. And done. That made it official. This time next year, I was going to be in either Winnipeg or Toronto or Vancouver. I didn't know which location was my ideal one, but I'd cross that bridge when I'm offered a spot. If I'm offered a spot.

Getting my grad school applications submitted felt like I had finally put down a boulder I was carrying around for months, only for me to pick up a different but equally heavy one, because I still had this school year, this semester in particular, to finish.

Classes finished this Thursday and I have two exams in the second and third week of December.

Then I was free.

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