Demon

Chapter 41

A month later

I've not grown impatient. If anything, I'm even more patient than I was before. However, I've decided not to wait until the band is on my finger and the papers have been signed. I'm going to leave before anything is official.

Something terrible is going to happen and the tension is already growing. The circus is in limbo about everything that's going on. They still feel the disgust and outrage that they did when Tom was with Leopard but they're confused by his choice to marry me of all people. The one he imprisoned, abused, beat down, put on display, and exploited for his own benefit. They turned against me because they believe I'd gone completely mad for saying yes to such horrid slime. No one knows what to believe anymore so they've alienated the both of us to discuss how they feel with each other.

On top of it all, Leopard clearly isn't done with the ringmaster. He had shaved his facial hair, cut his hair and returned as a completely unrecognisable man in order to see our new show. Suffice to say, he was outraged by Tom's proposal and began to harass him once again, this time, taking his attacks to the cities. He took to the news and posted well-written articles for people to read and be appalled by TomCat's "horrid" treatment of his employees and the "vile" conditions that we're forced to endure.

I witnessed the effects myself. Day by day, fewer and fewer people filled the stands and clapped for our show. For the first time ever, rotten vegetables were thrown at the ringmaster and he was booed out of the ring.

No one knew for sure whether to pity him or not. I, in all honesty, felt absolutely helpless. I watch him every night; crying in the bathroom as he cleans his face of tomato juice and makeup. He then comes to bed, where he sleeps at the edge as far away from me as possible and whispers his thoughts to himself until he falls asleep. I can only watch while this happens. He knows that I can only do so much to help him and now since everyone in the state believes he's the worst person alive, all we can do is see it through one day at a time.

As much as I don't like the man because of what he's done, I can't help but feel guilty. Absolutely none of this would've happened if I had just kept his secret. Of course, he'd still be in his abusive relationship with Leopard but he would still be the ringmaster that all the townspeople admired; he would still be known for his wild creativity and Avante-Garde way of performing rather than the lies that were told about him.

He wasn't a good man by any means. He's far too poisoned by alcohol and whatever mental problem that had been ravaging his brain for a while to be considered a good man despite his decisions. But every time I see him cry at his reflection in the mirror, all I can think of is that young, hopeful young boy who taught me how to ride a unicycle and juggle. The little boy who showed me the card tricks that he had just learned from his mentor and was always extremely happy when they actually worked. The little boy who would read me stories and play games with me.

That little boy didn't deserve this. It was all my fault. He betrayed me first but I betrayed him ten-fold and now we were both suffering. I feel awful every time he goes to sleep after a bad show while I'm laying next to him, unaffected by the emotional weight he feels. It makes me feel as if I'm obligated to stay by his side throughout the night but I know that Ivan is also waiting for me.

We always meet up at the edge of the woods once Tom is asleep and I'm done tending to his breakdowns. I feel bad for leaving Tom alone until sunrise but I do it anyway because if I didn't, I'm scared I would lose Ivan. I truly loved Ivan and it would destroy me if I lost him.

We always lay out a blanket between the trees when we meet up, just far enough away so no one sees or hears us talking but still close enough to hear the circus so I know when to return to Tom's bed. We talk for hours beneath our canopy of leaves and when we grow tired, we hold each other close and listen to the nocturnal birds and insects sing lullabies to each other. Those nights are our most intimate nights and they usually always help me feel better by the time I return to Tom