Fidelity

Helpless

Loki’s Point of View

            As I sat on my throne, I had an overwhelming sensation of power. Thor would not return to Asgard. I would make sure of it. I could see everything through the eyes of the Destroyer, and frankly, I could not understand why Odin had always been so hesitant to use it in battle. Besides that, I found it quite amusing that Thor had found such a petty little town to protect himself with. The humans would have been no match for the Destroyer anyways, but this was just too easy.

            I blasted through the small town, and was very near to finishing my work when Sif and the warriors three arrived. I should have known she would betray me. Heimdall, however, surprised me slightly. Nevertheless, it was not long before Thor’s unfailing pride kicked in and he demanded that they stop and leave the Destroyer to him. Excellent.

            He stalked toward me slowly, telling me that I didn’t have to d this. He used every sentimental line in the book, then stopped as he stood directly before the Destroyer. I had to admit, his words touched me, a little. I half turned back; I had not exactly planned on killing my brother. Or had I? For an instant, I had seen the look of relief on his face. He had won, yet again.

            No. I couldn’t let that happen. He wouldn’t steal my thunder again. Without really thinking, the Destroyer turned and backhanded Thor’s small, mortal form, sending him hurtling backwards until her landed in the dirt with a thud. And with that, the Destroyer turned and walked away. The Midgardian woman he had found ran to his side, and for a moment, I regretted what I had done. But then, Mjolnir came flying through the air towards us. I stood up from my throne, sneering at the empty room, as the Destroyer turned itself back to Thor. The battle was not over yet.

Sigyn’s Point of View

That Night

I laid in bed for hours, waiting for Loki to return. I even tried to fall asleep, but it resulted in only tossing and turned for another hour or so before I finally gave up. I left the room, wearing only my nightgown and a shawl around my shoulders, and padded quickly to the throne room. Surprisingly, the halls were empty; There was not a guard in sight. That both worried and confused me, so I quickened my pace to Loki’s throne. As I pushed open the doors, however, I was in complete shock.

Loki was nowhere to be found, but Frigga was helping a tired, angry Odin out of their chambers. I stared on shock of his sudden recovery, but his expression worried me. He pushed Frigga away gently and quickly strode through the room. He glanced at me shortly before pushing past me and into the corridor. I looked back at Frigga for answers, and one look told me that something was wrong. Without thinking, I turned back to run after Odin, following him into the stables. He mounted Sleipnir, which unnerved me slightly but I remained quiet, and I mounted another horse. He took off towards the rainbow bridge, with me trailing close behind, although he barely seemed to notice me. As soon as we were on the bridge, however, I could see why I was not of any concern to him.

Thor had returned, and he and Loki were viciously battling with each other in the middle of the bridge. Loki was a few feet away from Thor, on his knees, yelling. He seemed to be hurling threats at his brother, who simply ignored him. Thor was concentrating on pulverizing the bridge itself. Each time Mjolnir landed on the bridge, a violent burst of light flashed, and the bridge shook. Finally, Loki stood, with his staff in hand, and sprinted at his brother. I let out a deafening scream as he lunged at Thor, and suddenly, a burst of light knocked everyone back. The horses reared, and Odin jumped off, running on his own to his sons. I kept my place, knowing that Odin would be better suited to stop their fighting, only to see that the boys were now hanging on to each other for dear life. Their hands were clenched around opposite ends of Loki’s staff, and Thor’s foot was now dangling from Odin’s grip. Loki kicked his legs in fright, looking down at the cavernous abyss below him, then quickly back up to Odin. “I could have done it, father!” he suddenly screamed, “I could have done it! For you! For all of us!” His voice cracked, bringing tears to my eyes as I realized what was happening. Quickly, I dismounted my horse and began running towards them, my dress gathered up in my hands. But suddenly, Odin said the one thing that Loki did not wish to hear from him.

“No, Loki,” he muttered, just loud enough for his sons and I to hear him. I stopped abruptly, staring at him in disbelief. His son was dangling off of a bridge, emotionally unstable, and that was his response?

I looked down at Loki, who still hadn’t noticed that I was there. He had eyes only for his father, but even from this distance, I could see that he was crying. Yet, something else showed in his face in that small moment. It wasn’t quite sadness, but it wasn’t anger either. It was helplessness. I could see him give up in those few seconds, letting go of everything and allowing himself to completely shut down. There was no reason for him to keep his walls up any longer.

And then he let go.

I gasped, and Thor’s cry broke the silence of the night. Loki stared at them as he fell, before turning his back on them as he fell into the abyss. As soon as he disappeared, I fell to my knees, screaming his name. Odin pulled his still screaming son back onto the bridge. Thor collapsed just as I did, with Loki’s staff still clutched in his hands. Mjolnir had landed a few feet away, but he did not seem to care. As Odin stood, he cried silently, but not nearly as much as Thor and I.

Eventually, Thor became aware of my crying, and looked up to see me on my knees, leaning over the edge of the bridge with my arms wrapped tightly around my stomach. Slowly, we got up and walked over to me, falling down his knees again beside me. I looked up at him, a mess of emotions running through my mind. I was frightened, confused, upset, angry, and deliriously happy to see Thor again. Without a word, he wrapped his strong arms around me, pulling me into his chest as we mourned for his brother and my fiancé.

It felt like forever before Odin was pulling us to our feet, forcing us sternly back towards the palace. Thor gently attempted to propel me forwards, but I only stared over his shoulder at the black abyss below us, whimpering over and over, “No, no, no…Loki….” I sobbed, choking a little, and Thor gently turned me around and helped me onto my horse. He climbed up behind me, weakly spurring the horse on. Odin rode ahead of us, seemingly unaffected by the entire incident, but Thor was still shaking  all the way to the palace. By the time we arrived at the gates, my crying had calmed slightly to trembling sobs, but in my mind, the only thing I could picture was that look of pure, childlike, helplessness in Loki’s eyes before he let go. Of course, I had to wonder, did he think of me before he fell? Did he think of how badly it would hurt me? Did he know that I had seen the whole thing? Did he even care?

I leaned my head back against Thor’s chest, losing the strength to hold myself up any longer. Loki had spent so long trying to be Odin’s favorite. Had he completely miss that fact that he was my favorite? That he was Thor’s favorite? After all the love we’d shown him, he was still blinded by jealousy. Suddenly, I thought back to the night he had asked me to forgive him if he made a mistake. He had seemed so sure of it then. Had he planned for this to happen? Had he planned to abandon me? To almost kill Thor as well in his suicide?

As we were led into the stables once more, Thor gently pulled me down from the horse. I stumbled as my feet hit the ground, Thor catching me, and I looked up at him. We stared at each other for a moment, unspoken words passing between us. Finally, he took my arm and led me into the palace. Guards and maids scattered when they saw us, excited to tell the news of their Prince’s return and their King’s awakening. Thor and I, however, made no acknowledgement besides that of our loss. We numbly walked to the throne room together, where Frigga waited. Upon seeing her son, she ran forward, crying happily at his return. In time, she looked at me, asking where Loki had gone. Immediately, I broke down again, Thor having to steady me before I collapsed.

Calmly, Odin recounted to his wife the events of the fight on the bridge. She reacted the same way that Thor and I had, and once more, the three of us, embraced and cried together. Odin, however, kept his composure and walked across the room, settling on his Throne once more. Never again did I see a dismal or saddened expression grace his features.

It wasn’t until early morning before I returned to my chambers. I opened the door and walked inside, my eyes falling on the huge, empty bed. Turning my eyes away from it, I wandered stiffly to the closet. I pulled one of Loki’s leather jackets out, clutching it against my chest. Tears came to my eyes, but I refused to let them fall this time. Instead I torpidly sulked to the couch on the opposite end of the bedroom, laid down on it, and pulled the jacket over myself in lieu of a blanket. I sniffled a few more times, reveling in the fact that the leather still smelled like him, and eventually fell asleep. Of course, that night and for many nights to come, I was plagued with nightmares, every one of them the same recurring memory of Loki’s hand slipping from the staff.