Fidelity

Time to Move On

Weeks passed, with a strange mix of feelings hovering about the palace. Thor’s return granted a huge celebration, but a shadow of gloom still hung in the air over the loss of Asgard’s younger prince. By the Queen’s orders, I was permitted to stay in the palace, claiming Loki’s chambers as my own. However, I didn’t dare move any of his things. It was still our room, and changing anything would only finalize the nightmare of losing him.

Every night I spent in that room steadily grew longer and more frightening. I still couldn’t imagine living without him. He had been there all my life, and now for him to disappear so suddenly, was like I had been the one to fall into an abyss. I spent most of my time locked in our room. The only people I permitted to see me were my father, who had come in the hopes  that I would return home, and Thor. My father was disappointed to see that I would refuse him, but he understood now that I loved Loki, despite the way he had acted before. Thor, on the other hand, usually came to talk. We talked about the things that had happened in his absence, and he told me about Midgard. He mentioned a beautiful mortal, by the name of Jane, and that he had fallen completely in love with her. But now, with the Bifrost ruined, he knew he may never see her again. We understood each other in way, knowing that we had both lost a friend and someone we were madly in love with.

These talks became our only comfort. Frigga mourned the loss of her son, yet Odin seemed cold and disconnected from the rest of us. He was mourning in his own way, I knew, but it still hurt to see him almost carefree. Nevertheless, Thor was always there to take my mind off it. One afternoon, about a month after the accident, Thor sat with me in the stables, while I brushed Sleipnir and fed him. He had been telling me stories for the last hour, reminiscing on our childhood, when he remembered a particularly interesting one about Loki. “I remember the day Loki first met you, Sigyn,” he whispered, afraid that I wouldn’t want to be reminded of that day so many years ago.

“I remember that day too,” I responded, slowly trailing the brush down Sleipnir’s neck. “I’m sure you remember it differently than I do,” I continued, glancing at Thor with a smile.

He chuckled and picked up some hay that was lying on the floor, twirling it absently between his fingers. “Yes. That night, he had come back to his bedroom happier than I’d ever seen him. He was so amused by the fact that you had stood up to him.” He shook his head, smiling at the remembrance. My hand stilled at Sleipnir’s shoulder, and tears threatened to spill from my eyes. Honestly, I was surprised that there were still tears left to shed.

“I had made fun of him in the library,” I said softly, “I’d frightened him by accident, and then I taunted him for being afraid of a girl.” I laughed lightly, wiping my arm across my eyes. Thor stood behind me and came closer, pulling me into his arms. I sobbed into his chest, for what had to be the thousandth time that month. His embrace wasn’t quite the same as Loki’s; It was warmer and tighter, not really as loving and tender as Loki’s had been. Yet still, it was my only comfort. “I miss him so much,” I whimpered, turning my head to look at Sleipnir.

Even he seemed different now, as if he knew that his mother was gone. I felt terrible for him. Thor slowly rubbed his hand up and down my back, but I was still staring at Sleipnir. It made me shiver whenever I looked into the horse’s eyes, because, even though they were much bigger, they were Loki’s eyes. And the dark hair in his mane was obviously Loki’s as well. His coat was grey, which I had assumed had come from his father. I finally turned away from Sleipnir, burying my face in Thor’s chest.

We stood like that for a long time, until Thor gently pulled away and lifted my chin so he could look at me. “Hey, why don’t we go do something?”

I pulled away, sniffling. “Like what?” I asked. He thought for a moment, then grabbed my hand and led me from the stables.

“Let’s just take a walk. Clear our heads.” I smiled at him, and nodded, grateful to have him as a friend. In a way, having Thor was like having a part of Loki still with me.