KISS ME

CHAPTER 15 - FEAR

Shawn groaned as he walked out of his trailer into the bright light of day. Neil, one of the stars of the film, was walking by and stopped to stare at him.

"Dude, you look like roadkill, how much did you drink last night?"

"I have no idea man. I don't know how you do this every night."

"Young people these days," he shook his head. "Can't even hold their liquor."

"Not everyone is like you, Rankin!" one of the cast laughed as he was walking past.

"You gotta have some fun, Mendes, or what's the point hey?" He slapped Shawn on the back and strolled off.

Shawn continued down the steps of the trailer and found a seat in the marquee that they used for dining on location. James Fletcher, the other big star, had helped himself to eggs and sausage and had watched the exchange with Neil Rankin. The film was about a group of misfits, Jim, Neil, himself, Hannah Ng, ex-rapper LyinHart, and the young Nigerian actress Linka Djubi, who already had an Oscar nomination under her belt. Shawn was the newbie, both on set and his character. The role wasn't much of a stretch from his real self, but the physical demands, despite using a stunt double on some of the more dangerous scenes, were exhausting. Add an epic hangover to the mix, and the thought of being filmed today made him nauseous.

"Don't worry too much about Neil," Jim said. "He's a great guy, fantastic actor, but no one has his stamina."

"He's a machine, dude." Shawn said, shaking his head as he dished up his breakfast, hoping it would stay down.

"He used to be the most disciplined actor out there when he was younger," Jim said. "Never drank during a shoot, knew all his lines."

"So what happened? If you can't tell me, that's cool."

"It's nothing you couldn't find on Wikipedia. He lost his wife and kid and he just....gave up."

"Divorce?"

Jim shook his head. "Really bad car accident, man. Really bad."

"Fuck, that's horrible."

"Yeah, it was. He was on location, had been for months, it broke him. He disappeared off the grid for about a year, but when he came back he had just, I dunno, turned off all his emotions.  You'd never know it to see it on screen, it's like the only time he is ever really alive."

"It's a hard industry to have a good relationship in."

Jim looked at him and gave a wry laugh. "That's bullshit man, it's no harder than if you were a stock broker or a truck driver, and not as hard as if you were a soldier or a surgeon. Relationships are what you make of them. The trick in our industry is not to believe in your own publicity, you know? Just remember what is real and what is work."

"Are you married Jim?"

Jim pulled out his wallet and showed him a picture of a beautiful red-haired woman and two young teens.

"Twenty years."

"That's amazing man."

"Yeah, I don't need an award for being happy with the love of my life and our kids, dude. They ARE my award. They're why I'm here, they are what I do it for."

"But isn't it hard being away from them all the time?"

"It isn't all the time. I choose my projects carefully, I make sure I'm never away for too long at a time. My contracts always have time for visits home, or my family to come here, built into them. I don't need to be a billionaire, I just need to earn enough to keep me and my family in a good place. I don't take jobs too far from home if I can help it, or shoots that are too long. My wife has her own business, I work on other projects from home for at least half the year so my kids can get sick of me and I can get the honey-do list done and we can have a holiday, and she gets a chance to do stuff she wants to do. It's a juggle, we fight, sometimes it doesn't work, but that's normal in any marriage, we just work through it."