KISS ME

CHAPTER 4 - APOLOGY

Shawn had not slept well, thinking about today. He didn't like to fail, and he felt he had this time. He couldn't see how it could be fixed. He was sad, too, because for years he had an image of Camila in his head, obviously an idealised one, and he had found her to have feet of clay. She was not the person his sixteen year old self still yearned for. She was not the person he had kissed in the chemistry test. It was like finding out your hero was a douche, it made him question his own judgement, and made a mockery of the feelings he had hung onto for the past five years, the songs he had written with her in mind, the dreams and fantasies he had about her, the days in cinemas and hotel rooms watching her movies, the heart that had thumped and the goosebumps he'd felt listening to her sing. By morning, he had just about come to the conclusion that being kicked off the movie, although it might nip his acting career in the bud, might be the best outcome. He couldn't see himself working with Camila now he'd seen what she was really like, it was too heartbreaking, and he just didn't feel he could be professional around her. He knew that was his own problem, but he couldn't shake it.

Daylight has a way of making things look a lot smaller than they do in the quiet, dark hours of the night, and after a cup of coffee, he was feeling a little more optimistic and ready to fulfil his promise to James and Kay and at least give it a try. As usual, he turned up early but was surprised to find Camila already there. She wore sweatpants and trainers and a cropped t-shirt, her hair in a ponytail, no make up save something that made her lips look soft and shiny. He felt his heart thumping and his body stirring in response and felt annoyed with himself. All those lectures he gave himself last night and his hormones gave in at the first sight of her. She smiled at him, large and genuine and a little tentative, as though she wasn't sure of herself.

"Shawn," Dani grinned, pulling him in for a hug. "How you going? Look, Camila brought breakfast!" She waved to a platter of fruit and muffins. Chocolate chip muffins, banana muffins. He looked at her and saw the twinkle in her eyes. It was on purpose, she had chosen them for him. She turned him inside out. She was back to the girl in the recording studio, the Camila from years ago. He didn't know if he was up or down, if it was night or day, she sent him reeling with her rapid changes in persona.

"How you doing, Mate?" Mark greeted him with a handshake and a pat on the shoulder. "Come and eat. I know you love your coffee, we've got the good stuff here, help yourself." They proceeded to talk soccer, or football as they liked to call it here in the UK, and Shawn relaxed. Surprisingly, Camila chimed in with a few comments. She was cute, trying to sound like one of the boys, as if she knew what she was talking about, but also making it clear she was aware she was lacking in knowledge and making fun of herself accordingly. He liked that she could do that. He was questioning all the judgements he had made of her in the last couple of days. Will the real Camila Cabello please stand up?

"OK, we're going to work on some trust exercises," Mark said, rubbing his hands together as Dani removed the food. They did some loosening up first, and some screaming therapy. Shawn really liked it, it made him feel free, and he exchanged a look with Camila and saw she was the same.

"Right," Dani said. "Now we'll work on trust. Camila, I'm going to blindfold you, and Shawn, you are going to direct her to walk around the compound, giving her direction on where to step, which way to go, warn her if she is going to bump into something and so on. Camila you have to trust Shawn implicitly.  Later, we can reverse the roles."

Dani blindfolded Camila and they led her out into the open courtyard. She stood with her arms out. Shawn felt nervous, he didn't want her to hurt herself. The courtyard had been built for this purpose. There was a big cactus in the centre, there were different surfaces in pathways leading in all directions, a small stream with a bridge, bushes, statues, seating.