KISS ME

CHAPTER 12 - SACRIFICE

Shawn lay in his bed with Camila in his arms. She still wore the little lace nightgown. It made him feel good that she had bought it just for him. She didn't need to know that she could have turned up in painter's overalls and it would have had the same reaction. It was Camila, not just her body, that he wanted until he couldn't breathe, that he was consumed with thinking about all day and night, not sexy lingerie. But he wasn't going to complain. He sighed.

"That was a big sigh," she murmured against his chest.

"You're still awake."

"So are you."

"What are you thinking?"

"About what happens to us after this is over."

He was silent. It was something he had tried NOT to think about.

"We didn't know this was going to happen when we made all those plans."

"I know, but...." She didn't sound too sure.

"But it's always going to be like this, isn't it? One of us touring, or recording, off somewhere making a movie, doing a promo tour. That's what we do."

"That's what I've been thinking about. How do we do it?"

"It will take some scheduling. We have to find when we have days free to catch up with each other."  He tried to sound optimistic.

"What if that doesn't work?"

"What are you saying baby?"

He felt wetness on his chest and her shoulders were shaking gently. She was crying. No. No, don't say it.

"I don't think this is going to work."

***

Camila had talked everything through with her mother and no matter which angle they came at it, they couldn't find out a way to make it work. They were looking at a couple of days together every month or so at least for the coming nine months. The next time they could have any extended period together was the promo tour for the movie. That was due early next year. No relationship could last like that. She couldn't bear to be parted from him for one night, how would she concentrate on her tour, on her next movie – a female ensemble action film she was due to film in the fall – if she was like this all the time? She remembered how she felt before they even got together when she saw the photo with his cousin. How would she cope with the usual rumours and speculation? She knew that there was only one thing to do.

He propped himself up on his elbow and she pulled herself up to lean against the bedhead.

"Camila, is this goodbye? Is this what this whole thing was about? Are we breaking up?"

"Were we even officially together? What is this thing we're doing anyway?" she asked, still sobbing.

"Camila, I...."

"NO! Don't say it, please, this is hard enough as it is. I've finished what I needed to do, I'm not staying for the wrap, I have rehearsals in LA starting on Monday. You still have some scenes to finish in the studio. Then you've got to go home to Toronto, then Malibu to record your album."

"We will probably be in LA at the same time...."

"I'll be too busy, Shawn, and so will you. We need to focus on what we're doing."

"How will I focus, when I'm fucking heartbroken over losing you, Mila?"

His voice broke on the words and so did her heart. She knew she was doing the right thing. He knew it too, he would have come to the same decision eventually. It was better to do it now than to keep it lingering on, dying an ugly death.