I've been contemplating where I went wrong. What I could have possibly done to change myself so drastically that I didn't recognize who I saw in the mirror anymore.
I can kind of pinpoint the age when things started to shift. I have vague memories of when my friends sort of stopped being my friends, when we stopped talking altogether. I can also recall my mom saying me to on multiple occasions that I am/was being "hateful."
When did I stop being kind and start being hateful? Why? What would it take to be that again?
Last night, I tried to sleep because all of the things I didn't want to hear, or couldn't bring myself to face haunted me. It was a cycle of self-hatred, regret, sadness, and guilt. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw things I didn't want to see, and when I opened them again, they stared back at me from the dark until I couldn't look anymore.
Sitting in my room, I'm surrounded by what /looks/ like my room, but that's as far as it goes. This isn't right. These people aren't my family. Will I always feel out of place? Will I ever see my dad again?
Will I ever find a home again?
I'm hoping I can better myself, back to how I used to be, back to who I was. With my family members out of the way, I'm hoping I can build some confidence to do what I want, to wear what I want, to improve mentally, physically. Overall.
I'm only worried about it finding me, my past. They say you can't run from it. I'm hoping one day I'll learn to coexist with it. Will it be sooner rather than later?
Who knows.
YOU ARE READING
Poems
Poetryevery single one of us is just drunk on the idea that a better world exists. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ These are original personal poems written by yours truly. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read any (or all!) of these. It means a lot. 💞
