A kiss is still a kiss....

Toxic.

•••Maybe I guess it is best that I did not keep my mouth shut...
The next morning i wake up before everyone else. I quitly got out of bed and put on a hoodie and my burks. I am wearing black nike joggers and a white Thrasher T and a chmapion hoodie and i walk outside and admire the stars and i began to cry while sitting on thr curb and this seems to go on for about ten minutes.
It is the last day of con and i am doing Chiaki. I slowly walk upstairs my cheeks still red and my eyes still swollen and red. I walk in to everyone awake. Damn did i wake up that early?
Toni looks at me.
"Are you okay?"
I look at him quickly taking off my hoodie and shoes and sit on the bed setting up my clothes.
"Yes"
I say as a soft quite raspy voice. Because i have been crying for about ten minutes straight.
" Do not lie to me please"
I look at him and go to the bathroom, change and do my makeup and then walk out. We all leave.
"Ollie why are you not talking to us?"
I look over at him and grab his hand.
" I am fine"
I let go of his hand and run to the doors and open for them. Then i walk inside and... There he is... Josh. He looks over at me and then looks away. I look at him and walk away.
Toni looks at me concerned and walks with me.
" Do you still have feelings for him?"
I give Toni a look.
" you're kidding right?? Seriously? Not in my damn life will i ever love him again. I wilk never date a a straight up male. We.."
I sigh and hold his hands.
" I am sorry for getting rude. No I do not nor will I ever. He ruined everything and will never have another chance. Besides he does not know i am trans. He assumes I cut my hair because i wanted to. But clearly changing my name doesnt hit him."
He looks at me and we continue walking back to the others.
We did a panel and did pictures and Con finally ended. We head to the hotel and josh will not stop calling me and texting and following me.
"Stop minupliating me josh and stop saying your sorry for everything your just toxic you used me to get a girl and she found out by me and broke it with you. I wish you cared a little and I wish you told me this before. This is you and this is me.. we are just two different people. You're toxic and careless. Wake up josh and change your self but when you do or ever do I... do not call me"
We pack all our stuff even though we're leaving to tomorrow I want to leave tonight before I blow. I pack all my stuff and storm outside angrily. And wait by Kenzie's car. She puts a hand on my shoulder.
" I am terribly sorry Olivor... no one needs to deal with this."
" If only he was good enough and cared a little more.. but this all I need. Just you guys and everything else. Grady, my lizard you guys. Thank you"
I start crying as they all gather in and we hug. We get in the car and I put in my earbuds and sit with feet on the seat and holding my knees and cuddling my blanket looking out the window.
We get home hours later and I sit on the bed really sad. Toni sits next to me.
" Do you know what I want to do before my final breathes?"
He shakes his head and looks at his hands.
" I want to go to the rooftop and look out at the stars and sunset and have a small picnic."
I chuckle.
" I told Josh when we were kids because I knew I was probably going to be single forever. I said before I have my last breathes I want to have a picnic on a roof and watch the stars and sunset. As best friends ya know? But I guess that would never happen. And if it doesnt then I guess speaking my true feelings before I die or my favourite flowers will work too"
Toni looks at me and does a small smile. I get off and shake all my negative thoughts away.
I get up and do a tiktok. A bunch of dances Toni and I do and we just act wierd. Toni gets so happy when he finally does the captin hook dance and I laugh so hard.
I go up to Toni and do a little booty bump and laugh. I decide to do a little YouTube video because I haven't done a video in about a month and a half because I have been busy. I should of done it when going to Kumo but....didn't. Heh.
Even though I do not know what I am going to say. Do not have any content. Uhmm...I will do a little life update I guess.
" hmm..Hey guys I haven't done a video in a little over a month and a half. Yes I am somewhere different. I am at a friend's house. Toni. Yes this Toni he is amazing and I love him. He is the highlight of my day.
Anyway... I have been going through struggles since moving here.... uhmm..josh you guys may know him you may not. If you're new then you don't anway... our friendship was or had lasted years I mean years... and we have had a lot of ups and downs and I have forgiven him everytime not wanting to admit he was using me and minupliating me. Uhm so I let it go ya know like most people do because they care so much. Well a few weeks ago I decided enough is enough. I said 'Olivor after ten years enough is enough'"
" the reason for this was... he forced a kiss in me and I was furious. Toni walked in right as he was doing it making him think we were dating and stormed out of my house. I yelled at him to come back and for Josh to leave. He did and Toni was mad at me for other reasons I do not want to mention. But I grew a pair of balls and decided to go to his house which his house is not to far from mine. We soon uhm well he soon forgave me and I was super happy.
Nothing else happened. So time skip to con. First day awesome amazing had loads of fun. Second day saw Josh. Mind you he HATES anime and cosplay or anything to do with any of that stuff. But since I liked it he didnt care. But he walked up to us and put his filthy hand on my shoulder asking me oh where have you been I've missed you. To end the whole argument Kenzie grabbed his arm and pulled him away and started talking to him. Mind you I was dressed as kazuichi.. a male.. hes never seen me cosplay a male before. Then he started following me"
" I was feeling really uncomfortable and decided to ask Toni and the others if we can leave. They agreed and we left. I was furious. He called me that night and I was about to chase after him and kill him. Hes used me to get a girl. When I told her what happened she broke it up with him. Mind you this was two years ago. Again i let it slide because I loved him. Do not stay with friends or family o-or a loved one who is toxic. It is not safe for you."
"Trust me I was just in one. Then. The next day of con last and final day he was there but when I walked in he stared at me then I walked away angrily. Luckily he did not follow me but I felt his eyes follow me. He had that sickening grin then it faded. It was awful. So moral of the story do not stay with people if you know that they are toxic people. It is unhealthy for you and your life. I could of lived a better life if I left Josh years ago. I hope you guess learned a little something. And that is not the only reason I was gone. I was also gone because I was finding a job. Which I found. Hot topic and I was still in school andd I was setting up my house. So ya! That is what happened in the last month in a half. Like subscribe and leave a comment. Love you guys so much. Mwauh!"
Toxic is toxic whether you love them or not..