Hero (english version)

Chapter 11

The Horde's cells are really boring. I don't know how long it has been since I last saw her. What was she saying?

I wrap my bent legs in my arms, cornering myself in the cell. I gently place my head on the wall to my right, while I drop my back onto the wall behind her. She can't forget about me, can she? That spell cannot work on her. Or maybe it did?

I let a long sigh slip away. I've never been anyone. Or at least no one remarkable. I grew up with her. We've... been together. I know I mean something to her. However, I can't stop thinking that maybe it isn't as strong as what I feel. It may not be enough for her. She's...

I smile. Exactly. She makes me smile. But she also makes me cry. How many times have I pretended to ignore Shadow Weaver's words?

"Don't distract Adora."
"Congratulations, Adora."
"You'll never be like Adora."

I look down remembering that day when she fixed her eyes on mine. "I only let you stay because you mean something to Adora," is what she said. I shrink even further, wrapping myself in as if I could create a protective bubble around me that would make all this pain go away. Despite everything, all I know is that I want to kiss her again. When we are alone everything is perfect. I've never told her. I don't usually express how I feel very often, although these last few days I've made an effort to do so. And look what happened.

"Maybe it isn't a good idea," I murmur.

I pause for a moment to reflect, and that's when I feel something in my chest. How is it possible that all this time I was just thinking about her? I should have figured it out... I'm in a cell. And I know what happens to prisoners of the Horde when they start to be useless.

Shadow Weaver's long hair is made of a deep charcoal black. She stops in front of me, but on the other side of the bars. I don't get up. For what reason? I already know what she's going to announce to me.

"You're sending me to Beast Island, aren't you?" I conclude, sticking my gaze on the ground.

I don't get an answer. Two soldiers escort her. The sorceress raises both hands at the same time to make a gesture to her guards, instructing them to leave. After dedicating a military salute, they lower their heads and leave the area. Shadow Weaver opens the door, not even bothering to close it after her passage. Once again, a simple attitude of hers shows me how little she thinks I am capable of. Which leads me to ask myself the same thing over and over again.

"What's so bad about me?"

I remember when I said those same words to Adora. I can feel her so strongly inside of me...

I lift my gaze to meet Shadow Weaver's. Panic takes hold of my understanding by not noticing even the slightest glimpse of that triumphant feeling in her gaze. "What happened?" I stand up in just one movement. "What have you done to her?"

Silence. My breathing stirs as I get no response. I could accept that she forgot about me as long as she was happy. I could accept being sent to Beast Island, as long as she still had a possible future. A future without me. A tearing feeling runs through me.

"Catra," she spits my name, scornfully, "how can you even think I would do that to you? I've raised you, and even though you've only managed to disappoint me, I can't let you go."

I can't stand it anymore. I burn. Right now, I am pure fire. A feeling of anger emerges from my stomach to invade every corner of my body.

"Do you really think I'm going to believe that?" Now, the one who spits the words with disdain is me. "I want to know what you have done to Adora. I want to know what you are going to do with me. I want to know what's going on, and I want to know it now!" I burst these words without even thinking about them.

She watches me, motionless. Her sinister face smiles. On another occasion I would have been humiliated for addressing her with such audacity, but not now, because it's my pain that speaks. And she loves that agony. For a second, I catch a glimpse of an idea in her gaze. And there it is. That triumphant nature. She even seems to stand tall, looking more powerful... looking superior.

"I should have imagined it wouldn't be easy to fool you," she proceeds. "You're in luck, I don't know what kind of strength binds you two, but I haven't been able to erase you from Adora's memory."

I can feel my heart stop for a tiny moment. I don't know if I'm happy or deeply terrified by what that means. What I do know, however, is that it's real. Whatever it is that we feel, it's completely and absolutely real. The image of the last time I saw her is reflected in my mind. She said something. Something that I was not able to hear. She believed those words would be the last words she would say to me... What did she say?

"But, relax," she continues. "She won't remember anything about these last months."

I've never believed that the expression the world would fall apart could be so accurate. A tear appears, threatening to slip on my face. I've never cried in front of her. I've never cried in front of anyone other than Adora, and even in front of her I swallow my emotions. But when that expression becomes real, when someone's world truly collapses, feelings clog in my throat, creating a sense of suffocation that strangles me. She won't remember the kisses, the caresses, the sleepless nights fighting her nightmares... She won't remember how I was sincere about myself. She won't remember that "What's so bad about me?", just as she won't remember her response to those words.

"I need you to see yourself as I see you."

Her mere memory suffocates me. And how do you see me Adora? How should I see myself? You kissed me. That was your answer. My thoughts stop, slowing down. She kissed me... I want to scream. I want to cry as much as my lungs allow me. Because until now I haven't understood. She kissed me, because this is just how she sees me... Just like I see her.

"Unfortunately, as she still remembers you, I won't be able to send you to Beast Island. If she were to find out, she'd never forgive me, wouldn't she?

I look up. I didn't even remember that she was still here, in front of me, tearing me apart. She laughs. How can she laugh at a time like this? Can't she see me? Can't she see how I'm feeling? Can't she see how I'm dying inside?

Her right hand wraps around my neck, crashing me into the wall behind me. She closes her fingers with total precision and with no hesitation. For a moment, I don't resist. But then I remember her. She's still alive. She's still here, with me. So I dig my claws into her hands, confronting the idea of giving up. For her part, she seems unmoved.

"If this happens again, I'll get rid of you myself."

And she lets go of me. I fall to the ground, unable to avoid coughing. I'm trying to pull myself together, to show some strength... in vain. I can only catch a glimpse of her figure walking away, and burning her last words in my head.

"Don't ever forget this, Catra: you'll never leave with her."