MATTIA POLIBIO A FRIEND MORE THAN A LOVER

Chapter 16

Mattia lead me into his room. I sat on his couch and he sat across me on the bed. This whole situation was so tense. I didn't like it. Mattia wasn't the serious type. He jokes around laughs and smiles, but the face I was getting was serious.

"Listen Anna, for almost a year now we have been living together. You've hung out with me and the boys all the time. And in this time we have all grown close. You've grown on us. I have unfortunately been the one stuck living with you. I've seen you at your highest and at your lowest. I've seen your beauty and how you look when you just wake up. I know you have a coffee addiction and will die of a heart attack one day. Anna, I know so much about you and yet there is still so much more to learn.

We've had our ups and lows. When you first arrived I was pissed that I didn't have this place to myself. I tried to get you out by working on your nerves, but you have some tough skin. You made me feel bad about myself. And it took you punching me for me to realize it. You have stolen all of our hearts and I'm sorry Kairi broke yours. But I guess that was just karma getting you back for breaking someone else's heart.

I don't want you to ever leave. I don't want you to ever get hurt again. I want you to always be happy. I will not sit and watch you fall for some random guy. That Derek isn't even cute. Even though Kairi did you wrong you cannot have such a downgrade. You deserve someone so much better. You deserve someone who loves you more than he loves himself. Someone who respects you. Someone who would never lie to you or cheat on you. Anna, I will not let anything or anyone stop me now. I refuse to lose you to anyone. You are my everything. You're my reason to look forward in life. You are the reason why Cynthia and I could never work out. Anna you are all this because I am in love with you and every little thing about you. And even if you don't feel the same right now. I will not give up until you do. I won't let anyone steal your heart again."

There was silence. I had no words. Was he serious? Did someone knock me out and this is some sick dream? "Are you serious?" Mattia looked hurt by my answer. "Of course I am." That's when I lost it. "Are fucking kidding me! Are you so self absorbed? How, no what the actual fuck were you thinking telling me all this? Kairi just broke my heart! You're friend broke my heart! How can you expect me to just accept this? Did you really think I'd be like 'Oh Mattia, I love you too.' No bitch, this is real life. I loved Kairi and now I am afraid to love. Derek is just my friend. I am not into anyone. I do care about you and I care a lot about the boys, well not so much Alvaro, but that's not the point. What is wrong with you?" once I said it I immediately regretted it. The look Mattia gave me. I knew that I could have handled this a lot better. I didn't have to be so harsh on him.

"I know you loved him, but Anna I love you!" I turn away from him. "That is where you are wrong, I still love him." I knew this hurt him. He left and threw the door on his way out. I couldn't help, but cry. I went to my room and took out the album I made. It had all of Kairi and I's photos. A few selfies, pictures from our first date at the carnival and the day we went out to the lake in Pennsylvania. There were a few new photo's I didn't remember taking. They were of me. At the end of the album there was a note. 'You know where to find me.' I'm not ready for that conversation just yet. I wish I could get over all of this. I hate these feelings. I wish I could go back in time and never come to New Jersey. I wish I never met the boys. I wish I never forgave Mattia for being a jerk. I wish I never fell in love with Kairi.

I needed a stranger. I called Derek. "What's up sis?" "I need a strong ass coffee and a deep conversation." He laughs at me. "I'm on my way." Derek picks me up and we head to Dunkin Dounuts. "So are you going to tell me what happened?" I take one last sip of my coffee. "Basically the guy I live with just confessed his feelings for me. I don't have feelings for him, but I also don't not have feelings for him. We used to hate each other and when I thought I liked him, I found out he was dating someone. Then there is my ex. I still love him. I don't want to, but I do and it's killing me on the inside. He put photos of me in our album and left a note to go see him, but I don't have the heart to do that. I miss him, I miss us, but he lied to me. sometimes I feel like I over reacted, but I know that if I didn't end it I would always doubt him. I can never trust him again."Derek takes a minute to process everything. "I think you need to clear your head a bit. If you can, go stay by a friend for a while. Go talk to Kairi. Clear the air between the two of you. At the end of the day it's going to come down to a choice between who you want to be with." And that was the choice I didn't want to make.