MATTIA POLIBIO A FRIEND MORE THAN A LOVER

Chapter 18

I sat in Kairi's chair and waited for him to come back. He left to go fetch me ice cream from our favorite parlor. I got up and checked the photo's he framed. Some were of him and the guys, others of his family and a whole bunch of me and him. The same ones he put in our album. I didn't know what to feel when I saw the ones on his desk. They were of him and Aliz. The day they went to the beach and a few others. He looked happy. His cheeks probably hurt from smiling so big with her. I wanted him happy. I wanted him to always smile like that. I know that even if him and I patch things up, he'll never be as happy. I'm not the same girl. I need to get over him. I can't keep doing this to myself.

Kairi came back with the tubs and we ate in silence. "Why do you keep our photos up, doesn't Aliz get upset." He looks at them smiling, "You made me happy and they are reminders of moments where I felt like myself for the first time in a long time. I wasn't just, that tik tok dude with you. I was Kairi." He was right. We made each other happy and those are moments we can never forget or take back, we just have to accept them. "Why wasn't Mattia at the hospital." I asked. Kairi froze and then gave me a sad face. "Anna look, I was only there to patch things up. We were best friends once and I want us to be friends again. Mattia on the other hand, he could bare to see you. You looked terrible Anna, no offense. You looked dead pale and he took it the worse. Seeing you like that it made him lose it. He left and we haven't heard from him. I think Alejandro got a text from him asking if you were okay, but other than that he's gone." My heart sank. If I meant that much to him then why was he with Cynthia last night. "Why was he with Cynthia?" Kairi let out a small chuckle. "Jealousy will get the better of you one day. He wasn't with Cynthia last night. He was with me and Aliz. He came to meet us to tell me to talk to you because he loves you. I've never seen him like this Anna. You've really got him whipped." I smile and think of Tia. He really is one of a kind. But do I really love him? I mean I know I care about him, I care about him a lot, but was that love? "Kairi, I don't know if I love Mattia. Love is a very big word for me right now." Kairi gives me sad eyes. "Anna, you've talked openly to everyone about your feelings and how you feel about them except for Mattia. Why is that?" I shrugged my shoulders. How must I know? Mattia is just my guy friend and I just want what is best for him, but that's it. Kairi sighs, "Okay do this for me. I want you to close your eyes and think of every moment you spent with Mattia. All the things you have done together and how he made you feel. Pin point exactly where things changed and why. And at every memory even if it was when we were together I want you to feel like you are single. Like it is just you and him." I close m eyes and think.

Meeting him and thinking he was a total jerk.

Meeting his mom and clearing things up between us.

The day at the spa where I felt safe, confident and happy.

The camping trip when he attacked me in the tent.

Him acting weird after the camping trip, but that was because he loved me.

Him taking me to bed if I fell asleep on the couch.

Waking up in his arms.

Getting jealous over Cynthia.

The wedding date.

Him getting jealous over Derek.

And then his confession.

He has been trying so hard and there is no doubt that he loves me. people learn to love and maybe that is what we need. Maybe Tia and I just need some time. I need to give him a fair chance and not put him down because of Kairi. Kairi and I are over. There is no going back. I got to keep looking forward. "I don't love him Kai, not like I loved you. But maybe I can learn to love him?" Kairi shakes his head at me. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. Loving someone isn't just a switch you can flip and boom you're in love. "I think I'm ready to go and talk to Mattia." Kairi smirks, grabs his keys and runs to the car. Is this boy dumb, stupid or dumb to think that I am going to run after him? I swear I dated a two year old in a man suit. Well you can't really call it a man suit cause he is way too short, maybe a large teenage suit. Lets' not get any smaller because keep in mind I dated that.

We pulled up in front of the outhouse. Tia's car was in the driveway so I knew that he was still inside. "It's now or never Anna." Kairi gave me one last encouraging look before he started kicking me out of his car, literally with his foot. He waved goodbye, blew a kiss and then drove off. This kid I tell you. He will always be my closest friend. I get inside and my heart drops. There were boxes everywhere. "Tia!" I shout. I heard something fall and out came a stumbling Tia. "What is all of this?" I could hear my voice begin to break. "I'm leaving Anna. I can't live here and love you while you're out all night loving someone else. You nearly died Anna and when I saw you, like that, I wanted to die too. I'm on the deep end here Anna and I just don't want to drown." He turned to walk back to his room. "But what if I want you to stay."