the forbidden strangers

red dessert//5 seconds of summer

i remember the dancing, the chatting, the way he smelled when he moved & his soft bed

im not sure what factor woke me up. was it the sunlight that streamed through the woody blinds or was it my foul breathe from last nights drinking. either way here i am sitting upright in his bed.

have you ever slept in your clothes from the night before & it sorts of clings to your body? well that is what happened to me.
& to add the cherry to the cake, i feel bothered. why is my guest not here?
did he sleep next to me or was he in another room. i feel so embarrassed right now thinking about it, like i hardly know this dude but i found safety with him. how is that possible?

is it because of how friendly he was to me, the way his eyes stared into mine making me feel completely safe or his voice, his soft voice that had the power to drown out my insecurities & allow me to be free.

shaking my head i get up from his bed & quite fast i manage to make up his bed.

"you didnt have to do that"

i spin around fast & there he stands with a glass of water & a tablet in the palm of his hand.

"how is your head feeling?"

"urh... it feels fine", i chuckle "i never seem to experience the famous hangover headaches"

laughing he takes the pill he was going to give me & drowns it with water. his tall frame stretches out with a yawn & he throws himself on his bed.

he stares up at me & for a moment his eyes glazes over as if his in a far fetched memory.
i look away & search his room for my phone & shoes.
sketchers, white sketchers lays on the floor & i grab my shoes putting them on.

"you can freshen up if you want?", he says.

"mmm sounds really nice but i have to go home & check up on my mom, we got into a bad fight last night"

"i know"

"you know??"

"yeah last night you talked in your sleep telling me about how you miss your dad & how unbelievably cruel your mom is"

"i exaggerated my mom's cruelty, she is one of the strongest women i know. its just sad how she forgot about him"

he stays silent, as if zeus himself lived in him, gracefully he stood up grabbing his wallet & keys & led me out.

down the beautifully carpeted stairs, vacant as last time stood the marble palace.

"you never told me who stays with you", i say.

leading me outside, greeted by freshly cut grass & an annoying sunshine forcing my eyes shut, he says, "its just me & my dad, he is hardly home because he is always away doing heaven knows what. basically i raised myself".

"what about your mom?"

"died from cancer two years ago, it still feels like it was yesterday"

ive lost many people dear to me, uncles, aunts & even both my grandparents & not once did i shed a tear for them. yes i do miss them & unbelievably death is just weird. it still feels like they are gone from me, far on a very long trip but my dad's presence is just not here anymore.

i feel his eyes on me, like his still watching out if im misbehaving. i feel like i still owe him a lot but the death of him doesn't sit well with me.
ive never cried so much in my life. losing him was like losing a piece of me.

after he opened up to me about losing his mom i dont know how to respond so i just keep quiet hoping that it will take a cloud away from his face.
__

in the car a familiar song comes up. "sing with me"

i start singing the lyrics & immediately his face lights up. he joins in bobbing his head to the bass & i start chuckling. his hair falls over his glasses but he fans it out with his head thats bobbing to the tune.

i just stare at him.

not once does he ask me why am i staring, his way too modest. instead he embraces the lyrics living in a complete bubble of his own at this moment.

'at the roundabout, take the first right' the gps booms.

"looks like im nearing to my house" i say. i pout my lips & show his a sad face.

his eyes lights up, "aww don't look so sad, ill see you again okay?"
i laugh shyly, i dont want to seem into him right now. no way, ill chase him off. so i just laugh it off knowing deep down that i want to see him again.
although to him it seems like a joke, i genuinely would like to see him again.

'you have reached your destination'

he gets out by his side of the car & opens my door for me, before i get a chance to go inside he grabs me & gives me a hug.